Four encounters…

And they are all asking why… As much as I want to give them an answer there is none.I had a close encounter for maybe four times…

The first was a case of prolonged infatuation trapped in a state of could’ve been…of childhood dreams that remained as such

The second was trying too hard to be an adult when the world was telling us that we are too young…and yes, we were

The third was from a distance…a hyper-infatuation…a case of one way street

The fourth was a case of bad timing, of fears, of excuses, misaligned priorities and all other adult things…it was just never meant to be

So you see? Things just didn’t work out, time was just not on my side.

-July 2014, New Brunswick, New Jersey

Someone went to Thailand

Warning: This isn’t a blog entry about travel.

Someone went to Thailand and without him knowing, it revealed a lot of things.

I am in no position to get mad at you, much more to demand anything. I am not your girlfriend but let’s stop this “just friends” bullshit, we are not anymore “just friends”. I am not sure with you but I don’t hold hands with my guy friends much more embrace them as I send them off at the airport. For the record, I only did those things with you. From what I know about you, you’re not that type either, I mean you don’t just embrace or hold hands with anyone, but then again, I am not that sure. All I know is, we never agreed  on any commitment but we both acknowledged that fact that we are special to each other, we want to take thing slow since we’re miles apart.

You miss Thailand, that’s what you told me, I can’t see anything wrong with that, I also miss Singapore, just so you know. Since it seems that you miss it very much, you packed your bags, took a leave and spent a weekend there. You said it was irresistable since some of our officemates were sent there and you can make a good use of the accomodation paid for by our company. Again, nothing is wrong with that.

But as I said, it revealed a lot. You miss the place, maybe even the people or whatever it is in that country and since you miss it so badly you spent your most valuable resources of time and money, in short, you did something, you exerted effort to be there because you want it.

I don’t know if I have any right to feel this but damn, that hurts. It hurts, it badly hurts that I am fighting to keep this tears from falling as I write this down. It hurts that it’s like you’re telling me that you’re not missing me while here I am going crazy about wanting to see you again. It hurts that I am not worthy of your precious time and money. It hurts that you’re not exerting effort to see me.

Yes, you do keep in touch just as you promised and I know that from where you are Thailand is nearer compared to the Philippines but just a few dyas ago, you asked me to visit you, what the hell was that? I know you know how much I love to travel, but…. Then, you said you’ll come back here when your work assignment is more stable, so you can put me on hold but not Thailand, you’ll still go there despite of everything.

Well, I guess it’s like you’re telling me that you don’t have enough reasons to book a flight and get here. It spells that I am not a good enough reason, I am not worth it. I’m sure you are not even aware of the message that you just sent because of that recent trip of yours. Your IQ is excellent, I know you have a goodd heart but you are so insensitive.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t blame you if you think I am not worth all the trouble but please don’t keep me guessing, don’t keep things hanging. I am trying to move on without you but each time I try, there you are saying things to let me know that you’re just there, that I am still special for you. I am tired, I know that there will still be pain if we end this but at least we’re not guessing, this game is too much, I’ve had enough.

I am not mad at Thailand, in fact it’s the next stop on my list but I’m really jealous.

Right time

“Men marry when the right time comes, women marry when the right man comes.”

How do you know when you’re ready for marriage? I guess this question is as equally as hard as, How do you know if he/she is the one? But most people who are married actually answers, “you just know it”. I neither agree nor disagree, I’ve never travelled that road.

“Men marry when the right time comes, women marry when the right man comes.”, I smiled and realized that it has some truth to it, from then on I never forgot about it. But as time passes by I realized that while men are the ones who needs to feel that it is the “right time”, time is still more of the women’s concern. In a relationship, it is the woman who needs to know the direction, if there is any, for the simple reason that, a woman doesn’t have that much time to waste, biological clock being (I guess) one of the main concerns. ‘Though the woman doesn’t have much time to waste, she has no control over it, she has no choice but to wait for her man to realize that it is already the right time, sad but true.

A lot of girls in their late 20s and early 30s are experiencing this, whether taken or not, those who are taken are worried where will their present relationships go while those who are single and available are worried when will their right man come. The aspect of love is already hard as it is what more if we add marriage and timing to the topic.

Time is always an element. a very important element in almost everything, all I know is the right man will always come in the right time and together you’ll feel when is the right time for marriage.

Timelines

Time will never wait for anyone, it ticks, it doesn’t stop. We have no choice but to get along with it. Some spend their time haphazardly while others have their so-called personal timeline but life happens, no matter how detailed our plans are, unexpected things will come along our way, sometimes leaving us with no choice but to abandon our plans.

To graduate and be gainfully employed in SGV before reaching the legal age of 21, explore the auditing career for two years, start graduate school right after audit and build a career in an MNC, get promoted upon completion of MBA, buy a car as my 25th birthday gift to myself, get married at the age of 28, buy a house at 30, this was my timeline. I had it all planned but as I said life happens. Graduated and gainfully employed in SGV before reaching the age of 21, explored audit for two years, transferred to an MNC, had my CIA certification at 24, transferred to a bigger MNC after one and a half year, went to Korea as my 25th birthday gift to self, thinking of buying a car at present before I turn 26, planning to go start on my MBA this year, hopefully by September, still single with kinda complicated heart situation, this is my reality. Writing it down just now made me realize that it wasn’t so bad, audit experience was bittersweet, 1st MNC was like being in a dark forest, my current MNC? so-so, CIA made me feel great but unfortunately I haven’t used it yet, the car and the MBA, I don’t want to talk about it yet. My complicated love life? I think I’ve written too much about it.

Life happens and people change as they go through life. Five years ago, I never thought of going abroad to work, I wasn’t addicted to travelling, I was hopeful to bump into Mr. Right but that was five years ago, life is harder than I thought it is, and it never failed to surprise me. Guess I have to do some revision on my timeline and focus on the things that I can control, define the direction where I wanted to go and assess my present situation. As for Mr. Right..oh well, that’s a complicated part  of my life, not so sure if I have control over it right now. Timelines, plans, goals sometimes they guide us while sometimes it pressures us but no matter what we have to continue moving, ’cause time won’t wait.

I live, I love?, I learn

Seems like a lot went on for the last few months of 2010 continuing to the first few months of 2011, as they say:

“Every situation has a postive side…a lesson hidden in its test…a message hidden in its mess.”

My life mostly revolved on my work which by some twist of fate also connected itself to love. It really was crazy, but as what I’ve always believed in, “Let’s trust God’s wisdom behind it.” so let me share some of the lessons I’ve learned in no particular order.

Be careful with what you wish for. ‘Cause you just might get it.

I know it’s a cliche but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. I was so bored with my work before then God gave me a new job and I must say that it really is exciting that I almost cannot handle it.

Cross the bridge when you get there.

While it is good to have a plan for your future, there are some things in life where you don’t really need plans due to too much uncertainty.

While some good things never last, some are not even meant to start.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not broken hearted I just realized that when things are bound to happen they surely will…if you cooperate.

Some things are better kept to yourself.

I’ve got lots of friends, good friends I must say but there are things which are better kept within you to avoid conflicts. I’m not encouraging dishonesty but just saving some things for yourself, after all, there’s nothing wrong with being private.

 All the people around you has an opinion but at the end of the day, it’s you who knows the real score.

I’ve got quite a number of opinions with what went on, analyzations, interpretations and all of those stuffs but at the end of the day, it’s me who knows the truth, it’s me who knows the real score, it’s me who can feel things, it’s still my decision.

 Trust comes from Truth

If there is one thing that I’ll forever be thankful to him, it is that I gained my mom’s trust through him. It’s not like my mom doesn’t trust me at all, it’s just that she’s too suspicious that I’m hiding a boyfriend. It was through him that my mom proved that I’m telling the truth when it comes to the apect of dating.

Somewhere right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale.

It wasn’t really like a fairy tale, it’s just that everything came as a surprise, everything was beyond my expectations. My everyday life was a routine but it changed when he came.

There could be someone who can bear with all your weirdness.

 I may look normal on the outside but I’m totally weird on the inside and surprisingly, someone is as weird as me. So I guess, it’s normal to be weird.

Strangely, there will be a few who can discover the real you that you’ve been hiding.

In a short span of time, he was able to know and discover the real me ‘though I kept on hiding it from the people whom I normally deal with.

Life and love is about taking chances most of the time

I took the chance of knowing him and I was surprised that it lead to… I don’t know where exactly but it lead to something, ‘though we haven’t took the chance yet, and can’t figure out if we’ll eventually take it, I’m still glad it happened.

Some people are more pressured than you when it comes to your love life.

I’m fine, I’m just fine, living one day at a time, enjoying what we have but some people seems to want to take things to the next level. Well, things are slow than normal, I must admit but I also don’t think I can handle things if it will go faster.

You have to make a choice.

It’s always your choice to make things work. It’s your choice which things to sacrifice. It’s your choice who do you want to become. It’s always your choice.

Do your part of the deal.

Always do your part of the deal, if you’re sure you’ve done your part then there will be no regrets, no what ifs. Just do what you think is reasonable enough then cooperate with destiny, if it’s bound to happen, it will, the force of the universe will conspire.

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it.

Sometimes all we need to have is faith, faith that God will give us what we need and most of the time even more.

Simple Things

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and for a change I won’t be bitter this time like I did for the past seven years. No, I’m not in love this time, I just want to get rid of some negativities in my system, who knows, Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret” might work for me on this.

So to greet the love month, let me share one of my favorite love songs which I am hoping to use as my wedding song 🙂

Find 7 hearts

SIMPLE THINGS
by Jim Brickman

Hey, time won’t wait
Life goes by
Every day’s a brand new sky
Every tear
Comes to dry
All that really matters in this crazy world
Is you and I together, baby
Just remember

The first leaves off the tree
The way you look at me
A thousand chiming church bells ring
The simple things are free
The sun, the moon, the stars
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things
The simple things just are

So here we go
Let’s just dance
Teach my soul to take this chance
Put my heart
In your hands
Out of all the moments that we leave behind
Turn around and tell me baby
We’ll remember

The thunder and the rain
The way you say my name
After all the clouds go by
The simple things remain
The sun, the moon, the stars
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things
The simple things just are

Oh, the ocean and the sky
The way we feel tonight
I know that it’s the love that brings
The simple things to life
The sun, the moon, the stars
The beating of two hearts
I love the way the simple things
The simple things just are
I love the way the simple things
The simple things just are
The simple things just are
The simple things
Just are

 

Life is complicated, so they say but may be the truth is “we” make life complicated. The song is every bit true, it’s the simple things that brings us eternal joy, the things which are already there yet we fail to notice. It’s the simple thing called “love” that we tend also to complicate, makes the world go around.

Happy Hearts Day!

Certifications and Family

CPA, CIA, MBA, LLB, CISA, CCSA, CFSA, CFC,CMA and a lot more certifications in the field of Accountancy alone. As the world becomes more and more modernized the competition becomes tougher. For one to get hired, you have to compete with a dozen or more applicants. While obtaining a license has almost become a requirement in the field of Accountancy rather than just a better option for its graduates, more Certified Public Accountants don’t stop after obtaining their first license.

I was having an afternoon chit chat with some friends, whom are fellow CPAs, over lunch. The afternoon’s topic was all about either pursuing law to have a good shot at two complicated yet most respected professions or pursuing an MBA for specialization to ace one’s career in climbing the corporate ladder. Obtaining an MBA has always been a part of my plan but then it will require two years at the very least, of going back to school while at the same time, working plus all the travels you have to let go in exchange of working on your thesis ’til the wee hours of the morning. So, I settled first on what I can obtain considering my schedule and resources, that is the CIA. It cost me time, money and effort as well and I’m really glad that it all paid off. Now, I can say that over some other applicants or some other employees, I don’t have just one, I’ve got two. But what struck me during our chit chat was when one of my friends suddenly blurted out in a joking manner, “I’m not anymore dreaming of additional titles or certifications, I’ve only got simple dreams, to marry someone who’s good looking, kind and at the same time rich, and of course to have kids of my own. Those titles and all other sorts of recognition can be easily achieved, all I need to do is study but to find the “guy” I just described is really difficult.” All of us burst into laughter and I think I’m speaking for all the other girls, that she really has a very good point. Studying may cost you time, effort and money ‘though of course you’ll gain something of value such as a sense of self-respect and personal achievement or more practically, money and power. But it can’t assure you that you’ll have a very good family life which as we all know, at the end of the day it’s your family that matters the most. Funny that some practical yet meaningful realizations spring out from a well timed intellectual joke.

I’m not saying that I’m crossing out MBA degree and additional certifications in my plan, I’m still sticking to it. But I just realized that there are a lot more important things than academic achievements, some of us spent a lifetime pursuit towards finding it, while others are blessed enough to spot it and have it early on. To those who are fulfilled in their career but has lost the chance of having a family of your own, don’t feel bad at least you still have something in your hands that others can’t take away. To those happily married with lovely kids may things remain that way, may your family stay intact. To those who have both, may you not forget to be humble and thank God everyday. To those who have neither, maybe it’s time for you to move.

Compared to having an almost perfect family life certifications are more achievable, so for now I’m choosing the more certain thing while hoping and praying to have the best of both worlds, after all having excellence in one’s profession and a blessed family life is not mutually exclusive.