One More Time- Boys Over Flowers Tidbits (Part9)

One More Time

One More Time!

ABS-CBN will re-run my favorite Koreanovela of all time, Boys Over Flowers as a gift to its fans for Christmas. No timeslot announcements have been made until now but it will be a part of the Primetime Bida, I’m just hoping that it will shown anytime from 8:30PM onwards, so that I may be able to watch it, but I think the likelihood is remote, so I guess BOF will retain it’s timeslot the first time it was shown. But I’m still hoping that my dear, Jun Pyo’s schedule will match mine 🙂

Best Version of You

I’m on my idle office moments again, so I decided to clean up my yahoo mail. I was about to click “delete all” for my sent items when an e-mail of the same title caught my attention. I opened it and read it once again, I remember the first time I read it, I was on the verge of tears. This is not the first time that I saw myself or my situation somehow parallel to a story going around cyberspace but there is one paragraph here that made me realize that maybe I am my own version of Bea in my very own version of “Best Version of You”. So let me again, as always, post the article here to share it with you. I don’t know if this is a true to life story but I know it’s possible that someone out there has been or is currently in this situation, so here it is:

The Best Version of You
>
> Manila International Airport, 2:00 am. It’s
> been two years since she
> had last seen the Manila International Airport.
> Not much has changed.
> Her last memory of this airport was when Miguel
> dropped her off. She
> was on her way to New York to pursue a career
> in Wall Street.
>
> “Promise me something will you? Please don’t
> get married until I come
> back?” She jokingly told him as she lifted up
> her backpack.
>
> “LOL. Very funny. Ikaw ang mag-promise. Promise
> me you won’t run off
> with some nerdy economist in the next two
> years.”
>
> “Let’s see, shall we. Bye, Miguel. I’ll call
> you as soon I get to New York.”
>
> That was her last memory in this place. The
> warm Manila air made her
> feel a bit restless and yet she feels excited.
> This is the first time
> in two years she’ll be seeing Miguel again. She
> was thoughtfully going
> through the immigration counters, thinking of
> how much she missed
> seeing Miguel. How different would he be now?
> Sure he sends her
> regular weekly e-mails and pictures but being
> the busy person that she
> had always been, she didn’t get the time to
> chat with him and buy a
> webcam.
>
> She’s finally out. “Where is Miguel?” She
> wondered. “Ah there!” she
> exclaimed when she saw the silver gray Nissan
> Patrol parked near the
> exit. TGW926. Yup, that’s Miguel alright. Her
> heart was leaping ahead
> of her as the driver got off.
>
> “Hey! I missed you!” He said, as he hugged her.
>
> “I missed you too. So much.” She said, as she
> hugged him back. It was
> warm. It felt good to be back. It felt great to
> feel his hug.
>
> “Let me get those.” He said pointing at her
> luggage. “Then we’ll have
> more time for hugging and chika.”
>
> “Okay.”
>
> Edsa, 4:30 am. Miguel’s cellphone rings. Mama,
> the name flashes on the
> screen.
>
> “You should really get that.”
>
> “No, you should get that. She’s been waiting
> for you. She insist that
> we go straight to her after I pick you up form
> the airport. She also
> insist that you spend tomorrow with her.”
> Miguel was talking about her
> mother. Miguel was an only child and his mother
> wanted a daughter. She
> would often tell Bea that since she doesn’t
> have a mom anymore, she
> should let Tita Doris be her second mom. She
> loved Bea as if she were
> her own daughter.
>
> “Hello? Yes, Tita. How are you nap po?… ah
> opo. Miguel already told
> me. Sige po. Okay po. I’ll see you later.” She
> turns off the phone and
> looks out the window. The phone rings again,
> this time the name
> “Sugar” flashes on the screen. Hmmm, “Sugar.”
> He was quick. He got a
> hold of the phone and answered it. “Hello.
> Yeah. Pauwi na. I’m with
> her na. Yeah. Tomorrow, I will. Promise. We’ll
> see you tomorrow.”
>
> We? Is that supposed to mean me and him? See
> Sugar? Who is Sugar,
> anyway? “Who was that?” she couldn’t keep
> herself from asking. “Sugar
> ha?”
>
> “I’ll introduce her tomorrow. Uwi muna tayo sa
> bahay. By the way,
> kamusta na si Edward?” “Edward?”
>
> “Oo, si Edward, naalala mo yung boyfriend na
> iniwan mo sa New York?
> Anong klase ka ba namang girlfriend? Kaya hindi
> kita niligawan eh.
> Baka makalimutan mo rin ako.”
>
> “Ah si Edward. Hayun. Nasa New York.” Miguel
> has met Edward when he
> came to New York to give Bea a surprise visit.
> He seems a nice guy.
> Not the geeky economist Miguel pictured Bea
> would end up with. He is
> actually a cool guy and loves Bea a lot.
>
> “He called me up, a week ago, asking a lot of
> things about you. Parang
> may balak ata…”
>
> “Balak na?”
>
> “Tell me, did he propose to you? He sounded
> like he was going to
> propose to you kasi.”
>
> “Ah look, here we are at Tita Doris.”
>
> At Tita Doris’, 4:45 am. A pleasantly plump
> woman enters the living
> room. She was in her mid-fifties, a familiar
> warm smile and two open
> arms. She welcomed Bea, gave her a big hug and
> kissed her on the
> cheek. “Hay anak, kamusta ka na? Na-miss na
> kita. Pinakain ka ba nito
> si Miguel?”
>
> “Opo, Tita.” She looked around. Not much has
> changed in this house.
> She remembers spending her college days in this
> house. She remembers
> sinking into Tita Doris’ arms when her mom
> died. She remembers only
> good things about this woman. She can’t
> remember a time when she had
> been unkind to her and yes, she loves her like
> her own mother.
>
> “Iha, sabihan mo nga yang si Miguel. Sabihin mo
> ‘wag padalos-dalos
> magdesisyon.”
>
> “Po?”
>
> “Mama naman. Let Bea rest. I’ll tell her
> everything tomorrow.” Miguel
> interrupted his mother before she can spill the
> beans.
>
> “Ha? What was that all about?” Bea was curious.
>
> “Bukas na lang.”
>
> “Okay. Tita, if it’s okay I’ll go rest now.”
> She hugged her, and
> proceeded to climb the stairs. Miguel followed
> her carrying her
> luggage.
>
> “Alam mo I missed this house. Uy sino ba si
> Sugar? Tsaka bakit parang
> worried nanay mo sa iyo?”
>
> “Bukas na. Sugar is having lunch here.”
>
> “Hmmm, intriguing, pero sige. Bukas na.” They
> were both standing as
> the door to the guest room. “Alam mo, it’s
> really good to be back in
> this house. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
>
> Tita Doris’ 10:00 am. She woke up, sunlight
> flooding her bedroom. She
> was able to rest. She got up, arranged the bed
> sheets and took a nice,
> cold shower. Minutes later, she was down at the
> garden having brunch
> with Tita Doris.
>
> “Hi! Tita. Where is Miguel?”
>
> “Sinundo si Sugar.”
>
> “Sino ba yang Sugar na yan? Nai-intriga na
> ako.”
> “Iha, I’ll let Miguel tell you who Sugar is.
> Promise me something,
> though. Whatever happens you’ll always be my
> daughter, Bea?”
>
> She felt scared. Why was Tita Doris suddenly
> serious? “Opo naman.”
>
> “Anyway, iha. I heard from Miguel your
> boyfriend sounded like he was
> going to propose a week ago. Did he propose?”
>
> Bea looked at her hands, bare of any engagement
> ring. She looked at
> Tita Doris and smiled. Before she could answer,
> Miguel showed up. With
> him is a woman she had not seen before. She was
> of medium frame,
> shoulder length hair and looked very feminine.
>
> “Sugar, the sister I never had, Bea. Bea,
> Sugar, my fiancée`.” It felt
> as if somebody had thrown cold water on her.
> His what? Blood rushed to
> her head. She blushed. Her cheeks felt very
> warm. She couldn’t
> swallow. Her heart beating a hundred beats per
> minute.
>
> “Your what?” She looked at Miguel, blushing
> then suddenly white as
> with shock. “I’m sorry, Sugar but this is quite
> a surprise. Miguel has
> never mentioned you in any of his e-mails,” she
> said as she looked at
> Sugar with a confused look. She looked at Tita
> Doris, she looked back
> as if she was consoling her.
>
> “Yeah, I got engaged. I’m keeping my promise.
> I’m getting married on
> Saturday. O di ba you’re here so in essence
> I’ve kept my promise.”
>
> She managed to smile faintly. She hugged Miguel
> and congratulated him.
> She even managed to tell Sugar “You got a catch
> here, girl. Take good
> care of him or else I will snatch him under
> your nose.” It sounded as
> if she was just joking, turning over a very
> important possession to
> it’s next owner. In the deepest recesses of her
> person, she knew she
> meant it.
>
> “He told me a lot of nice things about you.”
> Sugar said, smiling at
> her as if they had been friends for the longest
> time.
>
> “I’m sure he has.”
>
> Lunch was served. All of Bea’s favorite
> Filipino dishes. She and Sugar
> spent time chatting the afternoon away, looking
> at Bea’s and Miguel’s
> college photos and yearbooks. She found out
> that Sugar likes most of
> the things she does. They both came from the
> same high school. As she
> tried to get to know Sugar better during their
> afternoon chat, she
> realized that not only was she perfect for
> Miguel, she also seemed
> like the best gal pal Bea could find. They
> talked about the wedding
> details, the dress, the ring, the shoes, the
> tiara. They like almost
> the same places, the same styles, the same
> shops. She told Sugar they
> should do shopping marathon together. Had it
> been another day, she
> would be telling herself that this is really a
> great opportunity to
> find someone who understands her shopping
> needs. Except that this is
> not one of those days… Except that this
> woman, this perfect,
> feminine girlfriend was Miguel’s fiancée`.
>
> Bea’s phone rings. The name Boyfriend flashes.
>
> “You should really get that” Sugar told Bea.
>
> “Yeah, I guess I should. Hello? Yes? I’m good.
> I’m here at Miguel’s.
> Oh I have in front of me Sugar, Miguel’s
> fiancée`.” The words almost
> got stuck in her throat, but she still managed
> to give Sugar a smile.
> “Listen, I’ll call you later. I have very good
> news for you.”
>
> Miguel sat down beside Bea. Sugar was looking
> at them and asked “So
> tell me? Was there never a time the two of you
> were more than
> Platonic?” Bea and Miguel looked at each other
> then looked at their
> own hands. Miguel’s gaze turned to Sugar. He
> answered “Of course not.
> Bea and I were never like that.”
>
> “As in?” Sugar inquired.
>
> “LOL, oo naman. She was a handful. Too much to
> handle for me. I can’t
> keep up with her. She never stands still.”
> Miguel looked at Bea and
> smiled, his eyes turning into slits as his
> dimples gloriously show.
>
> “I guess that’s the way it is for you. But not
> for Edward.” Bea replied,
> with a little hint of disappointment.
>
> “Well, Edward is tough enough.” Miguel was
> still smiling.
>
> “Wait, speaking of Edward. I need to call him.”
>
> Bea left the garden and went up to her room to
> call Edward. “Hello?
> Edward. Here goes. Yes. The answer is Yes.”
>
> *********
>
> The wedding went well. It was one of the most
> elegant weddings she had
> seen. Sugar had everything covered and she was
> a very beautiful,
> blushing bride.
>
> “I, Miguel, take you, Sugar, as my friend and
> love, beside me and
> apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in
> conflict and tranquility,
> asking that you be no other than yourself, love
> what I know of you,
> trusting what I do not know yet, in all the
> ways that life may find
> us.”
>
> Bea felt a stab of pain hitting her heart. She
> slowly got up, walked
> away from the spectators. Tears streaming down
> her flushed cheeks.
>
> **********
>
> Bea is once again on her way to the airport.
> Miguel is driving for
> her, this time with a wedding ring on his left
> finger.
>
> “Hay, here we go again. I’m driving you to the
> airport. Kailan na
> naman kaya tao magkikita?”
>
> “Ewan ko. Tell me something,” her tone all too
> serious. “What was it
> that you love about Sugar? How did you know she
> was the one?” Miguel
> just smiled. “Dali na ano? Malay mo I need to
> decide in a couple of
> days di ba?”
>
> “You know what I love about her? The same
> things I loved about you
> before. The only difference is that she’s not
> as ambitious as you are.
> When you left for New York two years ago, I
> knew I don’t have a place
> in the life you’ve chosen. I don’t blame you
> for that. You’re good in
> your field and I thought to myself that it’s
> your right to move on
> without me. Moving away was a decision you made
> for yourself. I know
> this sounds silly and you might nag me about it
> but I found the better
> version of you in Sugar. She’s so much like you
> in so many ways but
> the only difference is she loves me more than
> you do.”
>
> She wanted to cry the tears she had kept as he
> witnessed him say his
> vows, but kept her composure. She just chuckled
> a laugh. How could he
> move on without her? Why was it easy for him
> and not for her? As she
> got off the car, she gave Miguel one last hug.
> This time she felt her
> heart heavy.
>
> “I guess this is goodbye?” she told Miguel.
>
> “Wait, I’m not letting you out until you answer
> question. Did Edward
> propose?”
>
> Bea showed Miguel her left hand. In it was a
> one carat diamond
> solitaire ring set in platinum. “Yes.”
>
> Miguel let out a sigh and congratulated her. As
> Miguel turned his gaze
> from the steering wheel to Bea’s face, he saw a
> single tear fall from
> her right eye and then she said, “If it gives
> any consolation. Edward
> is the best version of you that I can find in
> New York.”

I’m a handful, I’m too much to handle, I’m not the type who’ll just sit in one corner, I’m ambitious, maybe, this is how he thinks about me, I’m not sure if I’m reading the hints right. I am not looking for the best version of him, or may be I am but I am unaware. With him, I’m not sure if he’s looking for the best version of me, someone less ambitious, someone easier to handle. The forever could have beens, the frozen state of what ifs, I am tired of writing the same old sentiments but I can’t help it, I need to unload what’s crowding my mind. I can’t promise that this will be my last article, for as I said, I can’t help it.

Three Versions

In every story there are at least three versions, the independent versions of the parties involved and the truth. Just like in each and every breakup story, his version, her version and the truth. Neither of the his or her version can constitute the whole truth, most of the time. But this reality doesn’t mean that we are liars ‘though we must admit that we did lie even just once, but I digress. This can very well be explained by the fact that we all have our own perceptions regarding things, events, places and even people and that our emotions clouds our better judgment. It could be that for him, she left without explaining the reason why while for her she explained whatever it is that needs to be clarified but the truth is she didn’t explain anything because there is nothing to be explained in the first place ’cause things are clearly spelled right before their very eyes it’s just that it was so damn painful for him to understand. Sometimes we need another person, an independent party to spell out the truth for us but we could also be that person to decipher the truth if only we could, even at a single moment, separate ourselves from what we feel, what we want to believe and what we want to happen. ‘Cause the emotions, feelings and perceptions that we have gets in the way for us to make our objective judgment on things, making us resort to believing in the modified truth. Most of the time, the modified truth is much easier to believe in ’cause it spares us from accepting the bitter reality of things. Modified truths are different from total lies, modified truths are just victims of human judgments and feelings, they are sometimes even used to shield one’s feelings from being hurt, dreams from being shattered, hearts from being totally broken.

The truth is, we are all at one point scared from admitting the whole truth about things because we are vulnerable humans. But we all know that lying is bad per se so we end up with modified truths. But no matter how many versions a story has, as a line from a song goes, “the truth hurts and lies worse”.

This is my version, what’s yours?

“I’ve got my own version which I chose to believe,
I know you’ve got yours,
Something I think I would never know…
But I’m hoping that one day, we’ll be able to decipher the truth together.”

New Moon

New Moon

Amongst all four books, New Moon was my least favorite for the obvious reason that Edward Cullen is absent for the most part, I even used Ctrl+F while reading the e-book just to get my Edward fix, as it turns out I finished reading the book the fastest, . But judging it objectively, it’s good that it presented another side of the vulnerable heroine Bella Swan, it presented one of life’s painful realities that we can lose our one great love. It also gave birth to a character named Jacob Black which is far diffent from who he was in Twilight, how he tried to step up to gave Bella what she needs. New Moon also presented the idea that life is really full of mysteries.

Now, that it’s made into a movie I can’t help but still be excited about it ’cause Edward’s absence was given a solution to keep the fangirls drawn to the movie. Thank God that it will be shown here in the Philippines on it’s first worldwide release date which is 11 days from now, November 20. I’m hoping that the cinematography and Rob Pattinson’s acting skills will be improved and that it will remain faithful to the book.

But because of some important matters that I need to attend to I don’t have a ticket yet. I’m just hoping that things things will turn out as expected come November 13 so that I’ll be able to immense myself once again to my Twilight Saga addiction.

Go Team Edward!

Nameless Enemy

 

They say there are only two things certain in this world,death and taxes. I worked with taxes before and up to now I can feel it’s presence every payday but with death? “I’ve never given much thought as to how I would die…”, this is the opening line of my favorite book, Twilight. Just like Bella, I’ve never given much thought as to how I would die. Death will certainly come, it’s only the timing of which that is uncertain, even the best doctors can’t stop it from coming, they can only hold it bay, for God knows how long.
It feels strange writing this entry while waiting for my ride home. But what’s more strange is what made me write these things.

As the old cliche goes, Life is short. I’m a self confessed hypochondriac and today I’m wishing that I am just being such. I can’t imagine a 40 year-old me ‘though I look a lot like my mom, I don’t know why, I just can’t or maybe simply because I won’t reach that age. I’ve always felt that something is inexplicably wrong but I didn’t pay that much attention to it not until today when I experienced it’s dangerous implications. All of a sudden, I understood why Izzie (Grey’s Anatomy) doesn’t want to tell her friends much more her mom, that she’s sick and why she refused treatment at first. Telling them will surely change things and undergoing treatment will mean a lot of do’s and dont’s. Telling them is tantamount to surrendering your normal life something that I don’t want to happen. There are still a lot of things I want to do, I like to go to Paris and have a view of Europe from the top of Eiffel tower, I want to write more, I want to make a mark on the business world, I want to wear a Vera Wang wedding gown and I want to see my mini me. So, no, I’m not going to the doctor, I don’t to want to curtail the normalcy of my life. I want to wake up in the morning preparing for my 8-hour job, chase the train and take out of town trips on weekends. Maybe, that sounds stupid but I don’t think there’s a cure for this, either way death will come and take it’s toll. So let me obtain that license, wear that dress and those stilettos, stroll at Bonifacio high, have coffee at UCC and feel the Boracay sand on my toes,let me enjoy a normal life.

Writing these makes my eyes mist but this is the best way I know how to manage things. It might mean helplessly drowning while snorkeling or getting hit while crossing Ayala Avenue, falling down the stairs while on a hurry chasing the train or fainting in the middle of a meeting, when my nameless enemy will attack me. For now, let me just surrender everything to God and bargain for more as much as I could.

Vaguely Specific

This a post from my old blog dated April 30,2009. I was just surprised that I wrote something like this so let me share it with you.

I am truly obsessed with The Twilight Saga, I’ve got all four books, an e-book copy of all four, I have the giant movie poster, movie companion, I’ve watched it in theaters twice, I’ve watched and listened to it on my laptop for countless times and just recently I bought the two-disc special edition DVD of the movie. Right now, I am looking forward for the movie adaptation of New Moon and Eclipse, I’m hoping that Stephenie Meyer will continue writing Midnight Sun and that Summit Media will make me see Renesmee breathing through the movie adaptation of Breaking Dawn. More than the nearly perfect Edward Cullen and the so easy to fit into image of the lucky girl Bella Swan, more than the appeal of Robert Pattinson and the effortless beauty of Kristen Stewart there is something in the story that made me so hooked to it. I’ve never been obsessed with any book in my life than Twilight, this is the first time, I knew it the moment I read the lines, “I was well aware that my league and his were spheres that did not touch”, in that instant I was bitten by the Twilight bug.

Maybe, obsession is really a part of my system, it’s seldom for me to find something that I would really like but once I’ve found it, I’m so into it. It goes just the same with finding someone to like or maybe to love.

Years ago, I was so into liking a guy whom I practically grew up with. We were friends but for some reason we didn’t know we stopped talking to each other, begin “hating” each other then talking again then becoming friends again. There is something in the friendship, something special, maybe I am just convincing myself or maybe it could also be true. It was so long ago, I’m not hoping to find answers to my questions anymore, it was a distant memory, a part of my juvenile past. But there is one thing I am sure of, I like him so much that it even made me think that I will never feel the same way again towards someone. My liking or maybe my love for him was never reciprocated, there were actions that could be interpreted as signs of affection but there were no words to spell what’s the real deal. I’ve eventually outgrown whatever it is that we have, if there is any to begin with. I spent years trapped on that overrated infatuation or maybe love. But why him? Why did I spent a good 5 or even more years of my life liking him? Maybe, he’s got a bit of the looks and is kindhearted but he also has his flaws and shameful deeds, he has his own share of embarrassments and mishaps but the hell I care, I still like him no matter what and I still can’t figure out to this day why it was him.

As I said, I’ve outgrown whatever it is that connects me to him, I was happy ’cause it felt like freedom but I was sad because I was afraid that I might not be able to feel the same way again, as they say it only comes once in a lifetime and during those times I thought that that “once” was him. But I was wrong ’cause a little less than a month after realizing that I’ve finally outgrown him I am once again beginning to like someone. I was asking myself why? Why him? Why so sudden? I barely knew him but I know in that instant that even if I was desperately trying to deny it to myself, I know that deep down in my core that I like him. It was different, there is something in him and I can’t figure out what it is that made me so into him in just a matter of days that went on to months and now years.

I am often asked by friends what am I exactly looking for, for a boyfriend and I find myself with nothing to say 100% of the time. There is nothing specific but I know that once I found that someone to like and to fell in love with I just know, it’s vague, nothing specific but once I found that someone, he’s the only one specific in my life, the only apple that I want no matter how beautiful the oranges are. It is vague as to the specifications but specific as to the person.

Up to this day it’s still him, it’s been 2 years and 5 months since the day I met and instantly liked him. Some are saying that he is ideal, his looks are presentable, may even be smart, stable, has a good family background, promising future and enough friends to prove that he is kind-hearted. We’re not friends, we are merely acquaintances and I knew all these things about him after liking him, so that only translates to whether I knew about these things or not, nothing will change how I feel towards him. It’s been 8 months since I last saw him and yet here I am still thinking about him and still wishing for him. I couldn’t fathom where his magic over me came from, I know I have a choice, I could stop thinking about him but the heart doesn’t have a choice and I willingly allow it to take over my mind. I know that I am beginning to be pathetic or maybe I already am but even in a distance, just thoughts of him is making my life somehow better. I see him as proof that there are still a few good men out there who are still single, a walking and breathing evidence, a symbol of hope but I know that if I will be honest enough with myself, he is more than that to me. He’s making me not forget how it feels to be maybe in love, a constant reminder of hope, prince charming rescuing damsel in distress personified.

I really am so into him, maybe obsessed is the word, this is my second “so into” status, the first one went to nothing and now as day passes by the flicker of hope is weakening. I don’t know where is this going to but one thing is for sure seeing him with someone officially will truly break my heart. If only we can be friends, if only we were given a chance to know each other more, if only I was not acting like a snob the day I met him, if only I smiled and created a friendly atmosphere around us…if only…then maybe just maybe I could be the one who will give sense to your life and you’ll be the one to give sense to mine. Maybe, I could be the person to whom your question “Can you marry me?” is directed to and I could happily answer “yes”. Maybe, yours and my heart wouldn’t be lonely today. Maybe, right now things wouldn’t be half vague and half specific but rather 100% specific that it’s you.