I love you Lolo

This double rainbow was taken when I visited Lolo’s grave 40 days after his death.

Today would have been your 80^th birthday. Most probably, I would have asked that the celebration be moved on the weekend because I have a busy schedule and I can only fly out on Friday night. Unfortunately, that’s not the case ‘cause you reunited with the Creator last May.

I was half a world apart, I was at the other side of the Pacific Ocean smiling ear to ear for my little achievement for the first day of my solo trip until I received the sad news that you passed away. I can’t describe my feelings. All I know is that things will never be the same again. I felt a bit dizzy, I can’t cry, I suddenly ran out of strength to continue with my plans for the night. I called home, looking for answers even if I know there will never be. Why? Why so soon? Why at this time? I thought you have recovered. What should I do? Should I cut this trip short and fly back home? I don’t know what to do. On my way here, I really felt happy that I have the financial capability to afford a two-week holiday at this side of the world but at that moment, how I wish I am rich enough to book a flight back home without having to care about the money that I’ve already spent on booking everything and the cancellation fees. Saying that I felt guilty was an understatement. I have been to a lot of places but I wasn’t able to visit you. What kind of a granddaughter am I?

You are one cool grandpa but more than your jokes and always smiling face you are a very caring and loving person. I still remember the time when you will travel for five hours and show up on our doorstep carrying a box full of freshly harvested mangoes. You don’t mind how tiring it is, you just want us to taste your latest harvest. There were also times during summer months when instead of selling all your harvest you will save a number of trees for us when we visit, those that bear the nicest mangoes without caring how much profit was lost. You attended my high school graduation and you were so proud. You bought that newspaper with my name when I passed the board exams and showed it to your relatives, “that’s my granddaughter”. I can still go on..there’s just so much memories. The last time I saw you, you embraced me and kissed me which is kinda weird, it was the first time you did that, little did I know that it will be the last time. I took you out for dinner and you keep on telling me that we should go to the beach. Maybe we should’ve and I should’ve visited you when I went back to the Philippines last May, it was just a few days before you left us.

I am deeply sorry for my shortcomings, sorry that I didn’t visit you that time, sorry for not attending your funeral. I still feel the guilt from time to time. I know I am not your sweetest granddaughter but I hope that you know that I really love you. Christmas parties will never be the same again without you wearing your smile and your jacket telling us to wrap it up ’cause it’s getting really late. No one will be at the gate anymore to tell us to take care, checking the car if the wheels are okay. I still remember how proud and happy you are when you found out that I can drive and that I am driving my own car. Every moment that it hits us that you are no longer with us brings sadness. We know that you are happy now watching us from above. I hope that you know how much I love you and how sorry I am.

Happy 80th birthday Lolo!

M-B-A

Moved on * Better version * Achievement

Sometimes the monotony of your life gets disturbed by certain things and when that “thing” vanishes away, you just can’t go back to the calmness that you used to have in the midst of monotony.

So there I was, catching up on Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl on Saturdaymornings. Sometimes I go out in the afternoon to meet some friends, dine out and do some shopping. It was a routine that I do enjoy. Then someone came, asked me out in a sneaky way. Why not? What’s the harm? So I said yes to a dinner and little did I know that this will disturb the monotony and take away the calmness. There was nothing official, we just went out on a few “dates” until he went away from another assignment.

I chose to go back to my not so old life, catch up on what happened to Meredith and Blair but I just can’t, not when I am willingly responding to Skype messages, eagerly browsing on Facebook for his posts. Slowly, things faded until it died a natural death as I used to say.

From the outside it seems to easy to go back to the routine but when your mind is filled with one major question, “Am I not worthy enough?” Sometimes I just have the initial tendency to ask if I am lacking for certain things before thinking that maybe it’s him who is not really worth it or it’s just that the circumstances are not in our favor but whatever the reason was, I ended up in the four walls of a classroom.

I signed up for MBA classes. I know, MBA is too much for a distraction but it just suddenly felt like I have so much time in my hands that I would rather use to invest in myself rather than lying in bed replaying everything in my head, where things went wrong. On my second class for my first day of school the professor’s opening message was “You don’t go to graduate school to find a husband or a wife although there were a lot of success stories on that area. Much more, you don’t go to graduate school because of a broken heart. You don’t go to graduate school for those reasons, at least not in Ateneo. This is not for the faint hearted.” There goes my over thinking self, am I in a great denial that I am broken hearted? Maybe, I don’t know, all I know now is that there’s a greater purpose why things went that way, not because I am lacking or he is, it just didn’t work out. So I went to Day 2, Day 3,4,5 and so on, before I knew it the term is over. And here I am again, signing up again for the next subject, getting closer to the MBA degree. Without me noticing, my motivations have changed and I am almost half way through it. I have met new friends, discovered a different side of life, I enjoyed it, amidst the complaints and struggles. There even came a point in time when it almost seemed impossible to complete it ’cause I had to travel across continents for work assignments but I fought for it as much as I can. Then for my last subject, I am just three units away, I had to transfer to the Lion City. It was a good opportunity that I really can’t say no but through God’s grace, I was still able to finish. I had to make sacrifices physically and financially, those almost weekly flights weren’t cheap and juggling work and school is not a joke.

So now, why I went to graduate school? Not to find husband neither to heal a broken heart but to become a better version of myself which I believe I was able to achieve and I will always be proud of it. To the person who disturbed the peace maybe that was your purpose why God sent you in my life, to disturb me so I can step out of monotony.

June 12, 2012

” This entry was written and supposed to be posted 3 months ago. I don’t know why I’ve forgotten about it..but here it is…things are quite different now.”

I travelled a thousand miles to get here, tomorrow I’ll be coming back to my home but up to this minute I really don’t know what made me pack my bags and fly here.

It could be because of the annual Great Singapore Sale. In fact, I’m using my latest gadget now. I got myself some things but this annual event here in the Lion City made me want more material things. Oh well, maybe next time. Next time, I won’t limit myself to Charles and Keith, maybe I can get a Coach at the very least. Maybe, I’ll strut down Orchard Road in Reppeto and just smile at the cute flats in the window of The Little Things she needs. In due time, I’ll fill my suitcase with Armani, DKNY and Gucci. Who knows, my suitcase will be a Louis Vuitton by then. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not as materialistic as it sounds, I just love beautiful things. I am contented with what I have, I am just dreaming of having more.

I am contented but my life isn’t exactly at its perfect shape. It could be a case of quarter life crisis. I just experienced one serious blow in my career recently ‘though I believe I am recovering, I’m still hoping I will. But the scars can’t be erased easily, one of the reasons I came here is to see this country in a different light, to test the waters if I really can live here. I don’t know if my questions were answered, can I? Can, can. Even if I can, will the Lion City welcome me? I know they are tough on foreigners these days but who knows. I do get calls but it seems that, it’s always “almost but not quite”, “always near but never here”. My motto remains the same, if it’s meant to be, it is meant to be.

It could also be because of a more personal matter. While destiny may need a little help sometimes, you cannot force it. The timing of my trip is funny; he left for a holiday while I visited his own country. As much as we want to see each other, the heavens are forbidding us to do so. I do miss you, we’re friends after all. Yes, I do want to clear things up but we’ve got work to do, so let’s leave just leave our personal things in shambles. After all, this story seems to be destined to fail since it started.

The Lion City welcomed me, the three towers of Marina Bay Sands smiled at me. Singapore Flyer winked at me and Esplanade said “Hi”. The roads of Orchard were glad to sense my familiar footsteps, they know they are my favourite. The cranes at Harborfrount greeted me and Clarke Quay accommodated me. Lastly, the Singapore River made me appreciate calmness and peace more than ever. This trip is weird, I was alone most of the time, I don’t have that much pictures and everything has seemed familiar. My questions were not totally answered. But Dear Lord, Thy will be done.

Of all places

My last trip to Singapore proved to me that travelling alone is not my thing. Just last Friday, I was informed that I might be spending my birthday weekend alone in Bangkok. Bangkok….of all places. To be honest, I am really curious what’s in Bangkok but I can’t help associating it with someone. Oh well, I’m giving Bangkok a chance…

Fast paced

They say we are a generation of highly ambitious, overly demanding individuals. We want to be executives before we reach 40 and yet we demand more vacations. We are in a hurry to climb the corporate ladder and to conquer the world. We switch jobs, one after the other, aiming for a bigger pay and a higher position. We are a generation that cannot wait.

I am a part of the generation that cannot wait. I’ve been working for five and a half years and this is already my third job. I left my first job for a higher pay, I left my second job for the lack of opportunity for growth. Now that I’m on my third, there are times when I think of leaving, I want a higher pay and a higher position with a more defined career path. My current job is stressful at times and for me, that stress justifies my need to go on vacation. I’ve practically covered Southeast and North Asia, not to mention that I’ve been to the significant parts of Luzon and Visayas.

My parents does not like it every time I talk about resignation and they are also wondering why I am in a rush to see the world. My dad worked for only one company his entire life, he’s with the same company for 35 years and counting. Most of my friends’parents are the same. My mom doesn’t get it why I am complaining if the task I was given is too easy. My other relatives are even laughing at me, thinking that I must be out of mind to want a more challenging, more stressful job. Clearly, this can be attributed to what we commonly call as “generation gap”. The older generation couldn’t understand why we take the risk of adjusting to a new environment, why gamble with being a probationary again, why take an unknown path when you are already walking on a stable one. Aside from this, they also can’t see the point why today’s generation travel a lot, why spend my hard earned cash on plane fares and accommodations just to see the other side of the world, once a year is enough, why travel almost every month.

 

So let me defend the generation on which I belong. Everything is fast paced nowadays. Messages are sent in an instant. You can easily spread the news on your recent success or your most recent heartbreak. Reunions can now be done online even if we are miles apart. That plane ticket can be purchased in just a few clicks. Everyone has easy access to almost everything. High Speed Railways can transport you in a few short hours. The world wide web is full of information, it’s in your hands. You need not go to a bank or a money changer for the latest forex rate, neither go Tower One for the latest price per share of your investment. What am I trying to say? It’s all about speed. All of us are willing to pay for a faster service. It’s our generation’s way of keeping up with the fast paced environment. We take licensure exams right after graduation. We take up our master’s degree even if we barely have just two years of work experience. We obtain international certifications to conquer the world. We don’t want to compete locally, we want to be global. Why not? We can now see how Manhattan looks like, as if we are there, so why not hop on that plane and take the chance to work in Wall Street. Why sit down and let time pass you by when you can conquer the world in your 20’s. Why bore yourself with a pencil pushing job when you know you can change the world, when you can be the next cover for Time Magazine. But everything comes with a price, this fast paced environment is really stressful. So to remedy all this stress, we open the internet and book a flight. Let’s temporarily escape this stressful environment. Let’s recharge somewhere. So open that ticketing website and book a plane to Hong Kong for some shopping, or Singapore to watch what’s being shown in Esplanade, Thailand for some sightseeing or China for some cultural immersion, anywhere else you like as long as reachable by that budget airline, Boracay would be a very good idea or how about Palawan? Let’s leave the stress behind as we take in the experience of the place away from from desks.

The world has changed in an unimaginable speed, who would’ve thought that all these would be possible. As a cliche goes, change is the only constant thing in this world. So why waste your time, let us conquer the world the fastest and best way we can and let’s take advantage of those affordable fares 🙂

Happy Birthday to me

It was around 9:30 in the evening; I was walking my way home from the office with no company but myself and as if to make the setting perfect for an opening scene of a dramatic movie, the dark skies begin to drizzle.

It’s my birthday today and I chose to spend it in the office. I was done as early as 5:30, I could go wherever I want to but I chose to stay in front of my laptop rather than going home and listen to the deafening silence of my apartment. I know I can make some calls to meet up some friends but my biological condition is telling me not to do so. I can go home to my real home, I actually want to but it’s not practical.

It’s my first time to be alone on my birthday. My birthday is usually marked by the decorating our home for Christmas and dad’s bonus pay out, so we always have much on this day. It really is a “Happy Birthday”, spending time with family. But since I am away from home, I can’t join them. Instead, I chose to get stuck in my office desk and eat Jolly Spaghetti for dinner, hoping that it will make me feel jolly and to comply with the superstition that the long strands of pasta means long life. It’s my comfort food, but the birthday blues I’m currently feeling is too bad that my humble Jolly Spaghetti is not enough.

A lot of people wished me a happy birthday, friends, family, colleagues and some acquaintances. Almost everyone is wishing for me to have a love life. Well, if I have a one then maybe, I wouldn’t be a such a loser sulking in my office chair, I might be in a romantic restaurant right now, greeted by the receptionist early in the morning with a bouquet of flowers from someone special. If I have  a love life, then maybe my first birthday greeting might have come from that special someone and not from my ex-boyfriend. Yes, I received my first official birthday greeting from my ex-boyfriend after not speaking to him for nine years. At least, he still remembers that’s not a surprise, I know he loved me but it just didn’t work out, our differences are irreconcilable.

I received a not-so surprise birthday cake from my friends/officemates, we do it for every celebrant, too bad I caught them carrying it on their way to the pantry, major spoiler. Because I am aware of this customary birthday surprise, I brought my camera with me, pathetic? I know, right? I brought a camera and made sure that I won’t miss out my personal birthday tradition of wearing a “birthday” dress. And of course, what’s a birthday cake without a birthday wish? As I blew the candle, I wasn’t able to make up my mind on what my birthday wish shall be. My birthday wish last year hasn’t come true yet, it’s the first time. I don’t want to be like the young Jade from My Binondo Girl who doesn’t anymore want a birthday cake because her birthday wish doesn’t come true, so what’s the point of having one? What’s the point of making a wish? But even if, my birthday wish last year didn’t come true and ‘though it hurts, I still want a birthday cake. After all, even if my wish last year didn’t come true, I still have a lot of things to be thankful for.

Simply being 26, is already a blessing. Having a great family, good friends, travels, job and a lot more, are things I should be thankful for. While my journey towards being 25 can be described as life changing, my journey to being 26 is mind boggling, quarter life crisis is not all in the mind, for some it really is true. My job lacks fulfillment as of now, but it pays the bills and provides me security. I’m losing touch with some of my friends but I’ve got new ones. I don’t have someone special but I have a story to tell. My life may not seem so eventful, it lacks milestones as of now but there’s a lot to look forward next year like graduate school and travel abroad. Guess, it’s enough to keep me busy, enough to focus my attention on some other things which are time worthy rather than deciphering gray areas which still remains gray after some time spent figuring things out.

Life at this point may not be so great unlike what most people perceive my life to be, I’m just getting by ordinary days. But it’s a matter of choice, I choose to be happy and will continue doing so, so despite the solitude and the drama, even if my vision is blurred right now because of the tears that are falling, “Happy Birthday” to me.

Roaming around Myeongdong

Here is the first part of my short but sweet experience of autumn in South Korea as my 25th birthday gift to self.

Upon arrival at Incheon we were so thrilled to finally taste authentic Korean food, my first dinner in Korea is Dolsot (Claypot) Bibimbap but I’m not sure if the picture below is that one. All I can remember is that, I definitely enjoyed the food.

Our first authentic Korean meal

Tried the side dishes one by one, it feels like we’re in a Koreanovela 🙂

Side Dishes

For our first breakfast, we went to Paris Baguette.      

After breakfast, we began conquering Seoul. For our first stop, Myeongdong. Our hotel is just a few steps away from Myeongdong and is found at the footsteps of Namsan at the back of Woori Bank, its Namsan Park Hotel. Here is the passage way leading us to the shopping streets.

The picture addicts that we are, while on our way we can’t help to take a picture of the trees in autumn colors.

Trees in Autumn beside Woori Bank

After a few minutes and a few camera clicks, we reached our destination and began shopping around the streets of Myeongdong, surprised by all the beauty shops that abound, The Face Shop, Etude House, Tony Moly, Lush, The Body Shop, they’re everywhere.

The shopping streets of Myeongdong

After some cosmetic shopping, we went to Myeongdong Cathedral, reminiscing Go Mi Nam’s scenes from You’re Beautiful.

Myeongdong Cathedral

 We were so thrilled with the views around the cathedral, it’s real, we are right at the same spot where Hwang Tae Kyung and Go Mi Nam were.

 

This one got me curious, I really don’t know what it is, protection for the trees on a cold weather? whatcha think?

Is this familiar to you? Yes, it’s where the scene of Go Mi Nam and Mother Superior was shot.

Now, let’s take a look at the church itself.

Inside Myeongdong Cathedral

Trying to catch a closer look of the architecture

Outside the church this is what you can see, the modern city.

After our church tour, we decided to go back to the busy streets of Myeongdong to search for a sumptuous lunch.

Lunch Lunch Lunch

No one referred us to this resto, we just tried our luck. Guess, we are lucky ’cause the food was nice and the prices were reasonable. The ambience was great too, cute, homey, feels like we’re shooting a Korean drama, feels so Korea. Oh well, we really are in Korea.

Love the ambiance

After our late lunch, we decided to go back to our hotel to check-in. Yup, we haven’t checked in yet ’cause we arrived early in the morning from our guest house in Incheon.

That ends our Myeongdong experience for day 1, just for day 1 🙂

Meant but not meant

We’re meant to meet
We’re meant to know each other
We’re meant to cross paths
We’re meant to be a part of each other’s lives
We’re meant to be friends
We’re meant to share moments
We’re meant to share dreams
We’re meant to be a part of each other’s dreams
We’re meant to comfort each other
We’re meant to paint a smile on each other’s faces
We’re meant to travel roads apart and find ourselves together again
We’re meant to share something special
But we’re not meant to be together.

It’s hard, but let this be my last blog about you. I know I’ve said it a lot of times, I promised myself but believe it or not, I’m really trying.

A Southern Weekend

While most people flocked the north to join the celebration of Panagbenga Festival in Baguio last weekend, me and three of my friends decided to visit the the South for some stress buster.

We left Makati at around 8AM for our first destination, Caleruega. Closer to Nature, Closer to God is Caleruega’s tagline. It’s name is a tribute to the birthplace in Spain of St. Dominic, the founder of the Order of Preachers (Dominican Order). Located in Batulao, Nasugbo, Batangas, just a one hour and a half drive from Makati thus, it has become a famous destination for roadtrips. It is also a popular venue for spiritual retreats, as the place is fully equipped with facilities for such events and of course a favorite venue for weddings. Upon entering the facility, you can feel the calmness of the place, brought about by the lush greens surrounding the place and beautiful structures.

Notice that the staircase is shaped liked an ovary which is symbolic of the womb from which life springs forth. This can be found in the entrance of the main building.

Underneath the staircase is a koi pond.

When you exit the building on its right side you’ll be greeted by:

The statue of St. Dominic, since the place is founded by the Dominicans.

You’ll really feel closer to nature with all the lush greeneries that abound the place. You’ll feel peaceful and refreshed. Here are some of the pictures:

Now here’s the main attraction of the place, The Transfiguration Chapel.

The pathway leading to the chapel has its own story to tell that is, the easy against the hard way to reach Christ.

As mentioned, Caleruega is in Batulao which is a combination of two words, “bato” and “ilao”, so to translate, “Light hitting the rock” is perfectly depicted in this picture. Also, the place is built following the natural contour of the location. Thanks to the brilliant design by Architect and Environmental Planner Yolanda Reyes.

Inside the Chapel:

After praying, we proceeded to the Station of the Cross.

The stations were illustrated in wood carvings such as this. It will eventually lead you to the hanging bridge where your eyes will feast with the lush greeneries.

After crossing the hanging bridge, we decided to leave and proceed to our next destination, Chapel on the Hill which is along the way to Caleruega. Notice that we didn’t went to the Rosary Garden because we’re tired and so that we’ll have something new to see when we decide to come back. Yes, I think we’re coming back.

This chapel is also a popular place for weddings because of its location, it’s literally on the hill and it’s just in front of Evercrest hotel where reception can follow afterwards.

Inside the church is “The Labyrinth”, a journey to God. But when we came, there are chairs in the middle so we weren’t able to see the whole labyrinth.

These are the scenic views around the place:

It’s already lunch time so we head on to our next destination for a sit down eat-all-you-can lunch at the popular, Sonya’s Garden.

We enjoyed the meal, the fresh veggies and fruits, the pasta and even the dessert. We really ate a lot but we don’t feel any guilt at all since the food are really healthy.

Afterwards, we went around for a walk and took some more pictures.

The door above is their Spa but due to time and budget constraints we didn’t avail of their services.

They also sell some of the herbs they are using.

After a sumptous lunch we went to People’s Park in the Sky. Apart from the fresh air and the scenery, I can’t find anything else worth the trip. As most people know, the place was supposed to be a summer house for the Marcoses but obviously the construction remained on it’s unfinished state. If only the place will be cleaner and the unfinished construction will be put into a better use, the place will surely be a tourist magnet.

So to make a good use of our time, we just prayed in the shrine before proceeding to our next destination.

For our last stop, we went to Picnic Grove.

We rode the cable car ‘though we find it too pricey for P300 per person but for curiosity sake and for the lack of anything else to do we still gave in.

We also tried horse back riding for P200, it’s a bit pricey as well but considering the maintenance of the horses, it’s not that bad.

I wasn’t really expecting that much on the place but I still think that a lot of improvements can still be done in this area.

So after, a less than an hour of horseback riding we decided to get back to Manila.

Overall, I enjoyed the trip since I’m with my friends. It was an enjoyable experience, to be closer to nature and to break away from the usual sights of skyscrapers. The trip was a stress reliever 🙂

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