Someone went to Thailand

Warning: This isn’t a blog entry about travel.

Someone went to Thailand and without him knowing, it revealed a lot of things.

I am in no position to get mad at you, much more to demand anything. I am not your girlfriend but let’s stop this “just friends” bullshit, we are not anymore “just friends”. I am not sure with you but I don’t hold hands with my guy friends much more embrace them as I send them off at the airport. For the record, I only did those things with you. From what I know about you, you’re not that type either, I mean you don’t just embrace or hold hands with anyone, but then again, I am not that sure. All I know is, we never agreed  on any commitment but we both acknowledged that fact that we are special to each other, we want to take thing slow since we’re miles apart.

You miss Thailand, that’s what you told me, I can’t see anything wrong with that, I also miss Singapore, just so you know. Since it seems that you miss it very much, you packed your bags, took a leave and spent a weekend there. You said it was irresistable since some of our officemates were sent there and you can make a good use of the accomodation paid for by our company. Again, nothing is wrong with that.

But as I said, it revealed a lot. You miss the place, maybe even the people or whatever it is in that country and since you miss it so badly you spent your most valuable resources of time and money, in short, you did something, you exerted effort to be there because you want it.

I don’t know if I have any right to feel this but damn, that hurts. It hurts, it badly hurts that I am fighting to keep this tears from falling as I write this down. It hurts that it’s like you’re telling me that you’re not missing me while here I am going crazy about wanting to see you again. It hurts that I am not worthy of your precious time and money. It hurts that you’re not exerting effort to see me.

Yes, you do keep in touch just as you promised and I know that from where you are Thailand is nearer compared to the Philippines but just a few dyas ago, you asked me to visit you, what the hell was that? I know you know how much I love to travel, but…. Then, you said you’ll come back here when your work assignment is more stable, so you can put me on hold but not Thailand, you’ll still go there despite of everything.

Well, I guess it’s like you’re telling me that you don’t have enough reasons to book a flight and get here. It spells that I am not a good enough reason, I am not worth it. I’m sure you are not even aware of the message that you just sent because of that recent trip of yours. Your IQ is excellent, I know you have a goodd heart but you are so insensitive.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t blame you if you think I am not worth all the trouble but please don’t keep me guessing, don’t keep things hanging. I am trying to move on without you but each time I try, there you are saying things to let me know that you’re just there, that I am still special for you. I am tired, I know that there will still be pain if we end this but at least we’re not guessing, this game is too much, I’ve had enough.

I am not mad at Thailand, in fact it’s the next stop on my list but I’m really jealous.

Lessons on Love

Last Friday I met up with some friends, despite of my heavy backpack I headed to Glorietta to meet up with them. I usually meet up with some of them twice a month but there are a few whom I haven’t seen for a year already. We all had fun, the conversation was funny but full of sense… it’s really funny how love can make us all go crazy. Below were the lessons and memorable lines during one of our craziest conversations ever.

– “Malayo, malayo….malayo ng matupad” referring to our three could have been long distance relationships

– “Maybe you are just so ready to fall in love and it just happened that he’s the one available.”

– “Ok kami eh, as in ok na ok talaga kami” a week before an almost there relationship ended

– “Try to put yourself on his shoes? Would you agree?”

– “Hindi pa naman umabot sa  Bataan..Corregidor pa lang”

– “You’re right I deserve better than this.”

– “Feeling ko kasi he’s just not that into me”

– “Konting respeto man lang sana sa akin diba?”

– “We can’t see the sparkle in your eyes, they look gloomy when you mention his name.”

– “Don’t overthink, you’ll just create problems which doesn’t really exist in the first place.”

– “You know it, I know you know it…don’t mind what we’re saying, you know who makes you happy.”

– “Wag kang maawa? eh paano ka? saka sa tingin mo ba fair un na naaawa ka lang sa kanya?”

– “Sabay sabay tayong umarte, pare-parehas tayong walang pinatunguhan.” Three of us got involved with an almost long distance relationship at the same time. Unfortunately, all ended at the same time.

– “Iniisip mo yang ex mo, eh paano ako?”

– “Don’t settle for anything less.”

– “Kapag mahal mo kahit nagaaway kayo kapag nagkwento ka kinikilig ka pa rin.”

– “Hindi lahat nadadaan sa ganda.”

– “Kahit sabihin nyang huwag, wala naman kasi syang magagawa kasi nasa malayo sya.”

– “May darating din para sa atin, i-feel natin may darating.”

– “Ok ako sa part na, at least I know where I stand pero hindi ako ok sa lahat ng time and effort na nasayang.”

– “Hindi ka kasi makaka-meet ng taong talagang kasundo mo everyday eh.”

There were a lot of stories that night, none of them are totally happy but at least at the end we all agreed that, there is someone out there for us.

Just the simple things

Most of the time, guys think that girls are demanding, for some it could be true but actually a girl just want the simple things…

Just an assurance that you want her in your life, that no matter how busy you are you can find time to make her a part of your everyday life. It doesn’t mean a lengthy phone call or whatever, just make her feel that she’s a part of it in whatever way you can.

Make her feel special, she doesn’t really need candle lit dinners with big bouquet of flowers just make her feel that you’re exerting effort, that there are things you don’t usually do but for her you’re willing to go the extra mile.

Just some consistency, make her feel that you really want her, no one needs a part time boyfriend.

Make her feel that you’re afraid to lose her not because you’re a coward but because even if your life can go without her, you still want her to be in it.

Assure her that no matter how uncertain the future is, you want her to be a part of it.

A girl’s eyes may sparkle when you give her diamonds, her heart may melt when she recives flowers but nothing could beat any gesture, any effort that is made with sincerity that you really love her and do whatever it takes to prove it to her.

Certifications and Family

CPA, CIA, MBA, LLB, CISA, CCSA, CFSA, CFC,CMA and a lot more certifications in the field of Accountancy alone. As the world becomes more and more modernized the competition becomes tougher. For one to get hired, you have to compete with a dozen or more applicants. While obtaining a license has almost become a requirement in the field of Accountancy rather than just a better option for its graduates, more Certified Public Accountants don’t stop after obtaining their first license.

I was having an afternoon chit chat with some friends, whom are fellow CPAs, over lunch. The afternoon’s topic was all about either pursuing law to have a good shot at two complicated yet most respected professions or pursuing an MBA for specialization to ace one’s career in climbing the corporate ladder. Obtaining an MBA has always been a part of my plan but then it will require two years at the very least, of going back to school while at the same time, working plus all the travels you have to let go in exchange of working on your thesis ’til the wee hours of the morning. So, I settled first on what I can obtain considering my schedule and resources, that is the CIA. It cost me time, money and effort as well and I’m really glad that it all paid off. Now, I can say that over some other applicants or some other employees, I don’t have just one, I’ve got two. But what struck me during our chit chat was when one of my friends suddenly blurted out in a joking manner, “I’m not anymore dreaming of additional titles or certifications, I’ve only got simple dreams, to marry someone who’s good looking, kind and at the same time rich, and of course to have kids of my own. Those titles and all other sorts of recognition can be easily achieved, all I need to do is study but to find the “guy” I just described is really difficult.” All of us burst into laughter and I think I’m speaking for all the other girls, that she really has a very good point. Studying may cost you time, effort and money ‘though of course you’ll gain something of value such as a sense of self-respect and personal achievement or more practically, money and power. But it can’t assure you that you’ll have a very good family life which as we all know, at the end of the day it’s your family that matters the most. Funny that some practical yet meaningful realizations spring out from a well timed intellectual joke.

I’m not saying that I’m crossing out MBA degree and additional certifications in my plan, I’m still sticking to it. But I just realized that there are a lot more important things than academic achievements, some of us spent a lifetime pursuit towards finding it, while others are blessed enough to spot it and have it early on. To those who are fulfilled in their career but has lost the chance of having a family of your own, don’t feel bad at least you still have something in your hands that others can’t take away. To those happily married with lovely kids may things remain that way, may your family stay intact. To those who have both, may you not forget to be humble and thank God everyday. To those who have neither, maybe it’s time for you to move.

Compared to having an almost perfect family life certifications are more achievable, so for now I’m choosing the more certain thing while hoping and praying to have the best of both worlds, after all having excellence in one’s profession and a blessed family life is not mutually exclusive.

Wasted Effort???

I am on a diet, I’m eating oatmeal for breakfast, half cup of rice for lunch and no rice for dinner, I also don’t eat in between meals. I guess I can now feel the results ’cause about two weeks ago I was weighing 58 kilos, last Wednesday I weighed 55 kilos, it was a success right? or it could also be that our weighing scale at home is not working well. My stomach is about to get used to my new eating habit which is really good for me ’cause I have this tummy trouble each time I go on a diet, I’m experiencing severe pains which eventually leads me to surrender and go back to my normal eating. But as I was sticking to my diet for even better results the weekend came and all my efforts were wasted (I think). I ate a huge slice of stuffed pizza from Sbarro and a quarter serving of pasta plus I also ate 1 whole cup of rice for dinner. Maybe it isn’t really that much, I know I’m not really that fat my only problem is my tummy ’cause it’s as if all the fats got stuck there but it’s like losing a battle when you’re about to win.

I can’t imagine that I’ll reach this point, I never was conscious with my figure and with what I eat not until the past year maybe because my metabolism is not anymore the same as before. I was fat as a child and I got thinner as I grew but things changed when I started taking up my major accounting subjects but my friends are gaining more weight than I do, so I wasn’t really bothered until now. I just realized that the fact that they are gaining weight doesn’t mean that I have the permission to also gain as long as it’s lesser than they do. After all, this dieting isn’t solely for aesthetic and personal satisfaction purposes but is primarily for living healthier, I think I should consume less of those calorie-fic foods over flowing with bad cholesterol.

‘Though it seems like the past week was a wasted effort, I am still sticking to my diet at least I managed to keep it breakeven. 🙂