Brilliant Sunshine

It's just me, thinking out loud


on July 27, 2016

Moved on * Better version * Achievement

Sometimes the monotony of your life gets disturbed by certain things and when that “thing” vanishes away, you just can’t go back to the calmness that you used to have in the midst of monotony.

So there I was, catching up on Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl on Saturdaymornings. Sometimes I go out in the afternoon to meet some friends, dine out and do some shopping. It was a routine that I do enjoy. Then someone came, asked me out in a sneaky way. Why not? What’s the harm? So I said yes to a dinner and little did I know that this will disturb the monotony and take away the calmness. There was nothing official, we just went out on a few “dates” until he went away from another assignment.

I chose to go back to my not so old life, catch up on what happened to Meredith and Blair but I just can’t, not when I am willingly responding to Skype messages, eagerly browsing on Facebook for his posts. Slowly, things faded until it died a natural death as I used to say.

From the outside it seems to easy to go back to the routine but when your mind is filled with one major question, “Am I not worthy enough?” Sometimes I just have the initial tendency to ask if I am lacking for certain things before thinking that maybe it’s him who is not really worth it or it’s just that the circumstances are not in our favor but whatever the reason was, I ended up in the four walls of a classroom.

I signed up for MBA classes. I know, MBA is too much for a distraction but it just suddenly felt like I have so much time in my hands that I would rather use to invest in myself rather than lying in bed replaying everything in my head, where things went wrong. On my second class for my first day of school the professor’s opening message was “You don’t go to graduate school to find a husband or a wife although there were a lot of success stories on that area. Much more, you don’t go to graduate school because of a broken heart. You don’t go to graduate school for those reasons, at least not in Ateneo. This is not for the faint hearted.” There goes my over thinking self, am I in a great denial that I am broken hearted? Maybe, I don’t know, all I know now is that there’s a greater purpose why things went that way, not because I am lacking or he is, it just didn’t work out. So I went to Day 2, Day 3,4,5 and so on, before I knew it the term is over. And here I am again, signing up again for the next subject, getting closer to the MBA degree. Without me noticing, my motivations have changed and I am almost half way through it. I have met new friends, discovered a different side of life, I enjoyed it, amidst the complaints and struggles. There even came a point in time when it almost seemed impossible to complete it ’cause I had to travel across continents for work assignments but I fought for it as much as I can. Then for my last subject, I am just three units away, I had to transfer to the Lion City. It was a good opportunity that I really can’t say no but through God’s grace, I was still able to finish. I had to make sacrifices physically and financially, those almost weekly flights weren’t cheap and juggling work and school is not a joke.

So now, why I went to graduate school? Not to find husband neither to heal a broken heart but to become a better version of myself which I believe I was able to achieve and I will always be proud of it. To the person who disturbed the peace maybe that was your purpose why God sent you in my life, to disturb me so I can step out of monotony.


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