An almost goodbye birthday message

Sent you this birthday message:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

It’s definitely not an original, you can even google it, a friend sent it to me some months ago and thought about sending you the message this morning. I edited one line ‘though, instead of “I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye” as the last line, I chose to end it with, “I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting”.  It’s your birthday and we normally wish for happiness on this special day, so I guess it’s more fitting and of course, I really want you to be happy. I’m afraid of the goodbye line, I am not really sending a final goodbye here, ’cause all I wanted to do is to move away.

I’ve been planning on doing it for quite a long time already, when I finally decided to really do it, you had an accident. I want to move away ’cause I’m tired, tired of our story, ’cause it feels like it has ended already and I can’t accept it (not sure with you) but wanting to move away doesn’t mean I don’t care, I still care if you’re fine, if you’re doing good, I just want to stop showing it. So being the queen of bad timings, I revoked my decision and still continued to show how much I care until without me knowing before you totally recovered, it’s almost your birthday. So, I decided to still continue until today, your actual birthday. Now, if one of us will look back, we have I guess a full 12 months. I don’t want to begin reminscing how each and every occassion was, that’s it, we’ve got full twelve months and it will end today that you’re turning 27.

I hate it that I can’t compose an original message for you, I ran out of the right words, to be honest maybe the most fitting that I could ever think of is this, something I found over twitter.

You’ll always be remembered. We might lose everything we once had, but I will never regret knowing you.

 

Maybe our story wasn’t bound to even begin, I know none of us planned it to be this way, we just talked and became friends who ended up liking each other but no one dared to go beyond the line, what we did was just blur the line, that got me so confused. I don’t want to think that I was just lonely and that you’re the first one who didn’t made me feel alone that’s why I ended up easily liking you, I don’t want to think that it was just that, I liked you because I like you, that’s it.

This story is bittersweet, if there really is a story of us to begin with. How could there be when we are miles apart? This story really got me thinking and I felt quite a lot of emotions. I was happy, confused 90% of the time, sad for the most part, even cried a bit, there was pain but again, I was happy. But I have to end this more than friends less than lovers thing, I am not a gray area girl, don’t want to be one so let’s end it here. Tomorrow, as the day begins I won’t forget about you, I won’t do that, I can’t do that so instead, I will choose to go back to who I was to you before, a friend, a friend from overseas. I may choose not to keep in touch for quite a long time, ’cause with all honesty, it’s kinda hard so please don’t make it any harder, for now, don’t go back and shake things up again, that’s the least you can do. Just stay where you are, oceans away.

Again, despite of everything, I will not regret knowing you.

I know that the chances of you stumbling upon this message is remote but just in case you happen to read it, that’s it my friend.

I live, I love?, I learn

Seems like a lot went on for the last few months of 2010 continuing to the first few months of 2011, as they say:

“Every situation has a postive side…a lesson hidden in its test…a message hidden in its mess.”

My life mostly revolved on my work which by some twist of fate also connected itself to love. It really was crazy, but as what I’ve always believed in, “Let’s trust God’s wisdom behind it.” so let me share some of the lessons I’ve learned in no particular order.

Be careful with what you wish for. ‘Cause you just might get it.

I know it’s a cliche but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. I was so bored with my work before then God gave me a new job and I must say that it really is exciting that I almost cannot handle it.

Cross the bridge when you get there.

While it is good to have a plan for your future, there are some things in life where you don’t really need plans due to too much uncertainty.

While some good things never last, some are not even meant to start.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not broken hearted I just realized that when things are bound to happen they surely will…if you cooperate.

Some things are better kept to yourself.

I’ve got lots of friends, good friends I must say but there are things which are better kept within you to avoid conflicts. I’m not encouraging dishonesty but just saving some things for yourself, after all, there’s nothing wrong with being private.

 All the people around you has an opinion but at the end of the day, it’s you who knows the real score.

I’ve got quite a number of opinions with what went on, analyzations, interpretations and all of those stuffs but at the end of the day, it’s me who knows the truth, it’s me who knows the real score, it’s me who can feel things, it’s still my decision.

 Trust comes from Truth

If there is one thing that I’ll forever be thankful to him, it is that I gained my mom’s trust through him. It’s not like my mom doesn’t trust me at all, it’s just that she’s too suspicious that I’m hiding a boyfriend. It was through him that my mom proved that I’m telling the truth when it comes to the apect of dating.

Somewhere right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale.

It wasn’t really like a fairy tale, it’s just that everything came as a surprise, everything was beyond my expectations. My everyday life was a routine but it changed when he came.

There could be someone who can bear with all your weirdness.

 I may look normal on the outside but I’m totally weird on the inside and surprisingly, someone is as weird as me. So I guess, it’s normal to be weird.

Strangely, there will be a few who can discover the real you that you’ve been hiding.

In a short span of time, he was able to know and discover the real me ‘though I kept on hiding it from the people whom I normally deal with.

Life and love is about taking chances most of the time

I took the chance of knowing him and I was surprised that it lead to… I don’t know where exactly but it lead to something, ‘though we haven’t took the chance yet, and can’t figure out if we’ll eventually take it, I’m still glad it happened.

Some people are more pressured than you when it comes to your love life.

I’m fine, I’m just fine, living one day at a time, enjoying what we have but some people seems to want to take things to the next level. Well, things are slow than normal, I must admit but I also don’t think I can handle things if it will go faster.

You have to make a choice.

It’s always your choice to make things work. It’s your choice which things to sacrifice. It’s your choice who do you want to become. It’s always your choice.

Do your part of the deal.

Always do your part of the deal, if you’re sure you’ve done your part then there will be no regrets, no what ifs. Just do what you think is reasonable enough then cooperate with destiny, if it’s bound to happen, it will, the force of the universe will conspire.

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it.

Sometimes all we need to have is faith, faith that God will give us what we need and most of the time even more.

The sign is there are no signs

“Amen I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation.”
-Mark 8:12

If you believe, there is no need for a sign. If you do not believe no sign will ever convince you.

During college, me and my friends often visit the guidance counselor’s office for the fishbowl containing rolled small pieces of paper where either verses, quotes or advices were written. Now that I’m working, I still get those litlle pieces of advice each time I go to Greenbelt Chapel. Oftentimes, as I walk towards the chapel, I pray that God will use those small writings in paper to give me a sign. Last week, I went to the chapel again and did my ritual of asking for signs, surprisingly what I got were those italicized words written above. I smiled upon reading it, ’cause more often than not I get confused about what God’s message to me is.

We ask signs not because we lack faith but because we strongly believe in His existence and we want God to actually speak to us using a certain medium, for us to avoid confusion and misinterpretations but God made man so intelligent that we can choose how to interpret the “signs” that he sent us. Being the rational humans that we are, capable of logic and reasoning, we formulate our own ways of deciphering God’s message. Our interpretations, depends on our perspectives, our beliefs, what we want to happen, so it is not anymore surprising that a specific event can actually be given millions of different meanings.

Going back to the italicized words above, it is indeed true, if we believe, if we have faith in Him that He will never leave us, if we trust His wisdom that He is letting things happen because there is a great purpose behind it, we don’t really need signs. For signs are subject to the inadequacies and imperfections of human judgment. If the sign will reveal itself in exact opposite of what our hearts truly desire we use our mind to interpret it in a way it will be in accordance to what we want. The same God whom we are asking for signs is also the same God who gifted us with wisdom for us to know and decide on things, praying for His guidance and acting while believing that He will stand by us no matter what, is what God actually wants us to do, to keep on having and strengthening our faith in Him.