Brilliant Sunshine

It's just me, thinking out loud


on September 24, 2009

All the people around us exist for a reason, some are there to be strong for us when we’re weak, while others make us feel wanted, some exist to keep balance, while some shakes up things, others make us cry so we can stay human while others make us laugh all the time, others makes us go nuts and be crazy while others exist to bring wisdom, and in my life,that’s you.


Whether we like it or not, our lives are somehow connected, we can almost say that we practically grew up together. We’re friends, that’s for sure and you’re one of those people whom I can truly trust. I sincerely hope that you know and you can feel that I really do.

I don’t know what you think about me, I ‘ve done all sorts of crazy things and said a lot of stupid stuffs before. Most of the time, I want to faint when I remember those silly things while talking to you, most especially when we’re face to face. Many times I wished that your memory is so poor that you can’t remember any of the foolishness. ‘Though it’s pretty obvious that you still remember things but never mentioned it directly. You never assumed anything despite of the obvious, you caught me billions of times throwing sureptitious glances at you, which means you are looking at me too, oh here I go again, assuming.

We never talked about it and as I said you never assumed anything, ‘though we know that there is something that exists. We can talk over the phone and chat over YM freely but not the same as when we’re face to face, we both know that it’s not easy, people around us will surely notice the closeness, the way we look at each other and just like me they’ll assume things, things which are far greater than what I assume and sometimes rumors are created out of it.

I must admit that I like you or may be even loved you at a certain point. I even got mad at you for breaking my heart thrice but you never noticed that ’cause I didn’t allow you to. I heard all the rumors and saw the actual evidences, leading me to hold on to the belief that the feelings are mutual but you are just afraid, so I ended up broken hearted. It’s like we’re characters in the story Leaf, Tree and Wind, I am the leaf, you are the tree and ok fine, he’s the wind. What else can a girl do but wait, right?

We had our own love lives, we had lost contact with them but us? we still have our “friendship”. I’ve let you go, it wasn’t easy ’cause you’re presence is still felt every now and then. You might not know the actual day of my birthday, I can’t blame you for being confused and I know dates are your weakness but you still didn’t miss greeting me. Christmas and New Year are not complete without receiving even just a simple greeting from you.

Maybe, you’re one of the “over rated” things is my life but let it be. For I’ve got thousands of reasons to be thankful for having you. You are my strength and my weakness, at times. You’re wisdom gives me realization, you’re optimism makes me see how beautiful life is. When it comes to friendship, you have the perfect timing but other than that?…never mind.

You’re sudden active presence in my life surely will stir up things and I must admit that I don’t want a real life Gossip Girl thing to be in existence, it’ll only complicate things. I am thankful for you, that I would never deny but somehow I am afraid where this might lead again for the nth time for God knows how hard it is to battle my so-called 100 squares of letting go especially when I know I don’t have a reason to get mad at you apart from you doing things and saying things that leads me to stupid misinterpretations.

It’s hard to stop things from happening, especially when it involves things we can’t take control of. I don’t know if I should allow myself to be once again an all too willing victim or if I should use the better part of my brains that is telling me to stop.

So for now, let me just say thanks for having the gift of wisdom and sharing it with me, thanks for giving me a reason to smile no matter how life has treated me badly.

For now, all I can say is “Thank You”.


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