Brilliant Sunshine

It's just me, thinking out loud

Alone

on June 16, 2009

I just got back from having a snack downstairs, in my two years and seven months of working this is the first time that I ate outside the office alone. I know that I’m not friendly neither do I have a welcoming aura, I’m known for being snobbish but since the first day I worked I always have a buddy with me except today.

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I’m quite new in this office, if staying for eight months is still considered as new but I was not able to make new friends. In my former office, I’ve got three sets of friends, my friends from the other service line, my batchmates and the next batch after us, so there never was an alone time. Lunch, dinner, snacks and even breakfast was always filled with laughters and small talks. Except for some, the people here are just fine but the problem is I can’t feel any connection with them. Maybe, I’m the one to be blamed ’cause I might be the one rejecting them or it could also be because apart from working in the same company we don’t have anything in common. I find them boring or maybe they just don’t have the same interests that I have. One of my friends from my former office also transferred here with me but even her makes me feel alone. She’s kind, that was never the question despite of her antagonistic moods at times, don’t get me wrong she’s not doing the telenovela antagonist thing, but I think she’s got the habit of always going against what people has to say or maybe it’s more appropriate to say that she’s always going against what I have to say. I don’t know, she could just be bored that’s why she keeps on contradicting me just to have something to say. I’m not expecting her nor any person to always be on my side, we are all genetically wired in a different way but because of her being my antagonist everyday, I feel alone. It feels like people here are against me. I really feel so alone, the quietness also adds up to the feeling.

I was able to survive ’til today by finding endless ways to entertain me like listening to Chico and Delamar’s top ten as recorded by blueritz, reading E-books and quotes during breaks and just recently reading about Boys over Flowers especially Gu Jun Pyo (Lee Min Ho) and staring at his pictures. But can I tell Chico or Delamar that I saw my crush last night, can I share my pictures from my out of town trip to Lee Min Ho or can I open up to Jan Di that I’m having a bad day, no, right? But thanks to them for keeping me company.

I guess it’s true that you cannot be lucky on the same thing twice. I was lucky to have good friends from my former office but not now. I can’t help but still want to be with them. We’re not exactly of the same likes and dislikes but I can feel that there is a connection, our wavelengths are parallel. Maybe, because of the intensity of what we had to go through together that we’re bonded in a special way, something that I miss, something that I will forever cherish, something I’m glad happened.

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2 responses to “Alone

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