Serendipity

Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. “Things were clearer for him,” Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call “fatum”, what we currently refer to as destiny.

A friend visited NYC and sent me a picture of the actual Serendipity Cafe, it reminded me of my all time favorite movie. It’s hard to believe that a story as good as the movie can happen in real life but it doesn’t mean that there is no such thing as “destiny”, we just have to keep on believing.

Answered Prayer?!

For my 25th birthday, I’ve finally admitted to myself and to God that I don’t want to be alone, that I want someone to spend the rest of my life with. My prayer was simple, dear Lord please give me someone whom I can spend the rest of my life with, that’s it, no specific adjectives just a plain simple prayer for I believe that God will give us that one person that we need not the one that we want. Then, out of the blue someone came, at first I thought it was just nothing, maybe he was just being nice, just plain pure friendship. But  no, it was more than that, it feels like somewhere in the middle of an ordinary life, there’s a fairy tale. He appreciates me for who I am and surprisingly he was able to see that side of me which I kept on hiding from the others, he discovered the real me, he found me. He may not be the typical guy that girls would die for but I must admit that he got me. He’s not so sweet, not the best foot forward type but he’s genuine, he speaks what’s on his mind and is very true to himself. He doesn’t hide his flaws nor his boring past. At first, I thought he was someone who doesn’t know how to care for others for as long as he doesn’t do them any harm but I was wrong, he cares, he has a good heart. So I begin asking myself and God if he’s the one, he came at the right timing, just as when I admitted that I need someone to share my life with and even without telling God all those adjectives, he qualified, I guess… He can make me listen, he doesn’t bore me, he knows how to make me feel special, he inspires me, he’s not dominating but he can handle me, he seems just right but there is one thing wrong, he’s from a different country and we’re not so sure if we can handle the complications of a long distance relationship, so we ended up agreeing not to commit on anything yet. He left a few days ago, went back home then went somewhere else again for another assignment, he’s keeping in touch but we don;t know when are we going to see each other again… I know he’s got a lot of work to do and I also need to continue doing my thing but if there’s a will there’s a way, I don’t think we should leave everything to destiny. So when are we going to see each other again??? Only God knows I think, but Dear God is he an answered prayer?

Same Old Story

Sometimes it feels like God is not answering our prayers but the truth is, we just don’t get the answer that we expect or maybe the answer that we want. This has happened before…a long, long time ago, it’s the same old story only on a different costume.

He didn’t make an impression the first time she saw him, apart from the name and the face she doesn’t know anything about him. By some twist of fate, they met again and before they know it became friends. It really was a surprise that even if he appears to be boring for her, he’s actually not, they share quite the same interest, quite the same views, quite the same sentiments and soon enough they are comfortable in each others company. But apart from the obviously blossoming friendship, there are quite a few things that she can’t understand or it could also be she’s analyzing too much that leads her to confusion. He compliments her, when she says her arms are too big, he says it’s perfect, when she doesn’t feel comfortable with how she looks, he tells her that she looks great with a “wow”, when she says she looks like a “bruha”, he says it’s next to impossible. This is not the first time for her to receive compliments but this is the first time that it was from the same guy and in the most unexpected moments. She knows how opinionated he is but she also knows that he’s not that generous in giving praises much more to sugarcoat. She’s happy despite the fact that such compliments causes her to think that it could be some mixed signals of something more. He looks at her in a different way that everybody notices, he wants to be around her often, she doesn’t want to assume anything ’cause it has happened before. ‘Til one day, he asked her out, even if she wants to stop analyzing, she couldn’t help it. He never said a thing, why he treats her differently even to the point of asking her out. He describes her as if she’s the most beautiful girl he has ever known, as if he was bewitched by her beauty. She couldn’t help but wonder why, what’s behind all these? People around them can’t help but notice, so they asked but he keeps on saying “no, there aren’t any feelings”. She doesn’t know how to feel, how to react whenever she hears him say these things. It’s been a long time since she went out, it’s been a long time since someone showed they care, it’s been a long time since she heard something sweet from someone. Her life was lonely, while others are complaining about being with a guy or breaking up with a guy since their teenage years that they don’t even have a chance to deal with their own self, she’s always been dealing with herself for so long. She admits that she’s happy with how he treats her but that doesn’t mean she’s falling for him but she’s not depriving herself of the chance. That was her problem, she was too greedy on giving chances and now that she has finally learned to be fair to herself and give other people the chance to enter her life, it seems that she’s travelling the same road once again. Once upon a time, she met someone who treats her special, she fell for that someone and ended up with a broken heart. With the same signs and even more concrete and evident actions that there could be something more than friendship, she’s travelling the road once again but she believes she is wiser now, to guard herself from falling into the trap. She doesn’t know where he wants to take things or if he wants to, so she reminds herself every now and then that sweet gestures are never assurances. She prayed that God  will send her signals, something that will stop the guessing, the over analyzing, something that could either put an end to all of these or could signal something new. She feels like God isn’t sending her what she asked, ’til one day she woke up and realized, maybe that’s it, the sign is…”there are no signs”. Maybe a part of her is hoping, that destiny is giving her another shot at love after a very long time that’s why she missed it, you can’t blame her, she’s been lonely for quite some time. But whatever it is, she may not have found the love of her life yet but he made her happy, she gained a friend and most importantly, she didn’t end up with a broken heart. It’s the same old story, boy meets girl, they become friends, he treats her in a special way (she thinks), she falls, he says it’s nothing, she ends up with a broken heart. But this time, it’s a different ending ’cause she’s wiser now.

Declaration of Principles by Paulo Coelho

Paulo Coelho is one of my favorite authors because his words inspire me, make me realize a lot of things and reflect on the things I’ve done and what I want to do. So, let me share here with you 15 Principles which I believe will also inspire you

1] All men are different. And should do everything possible to continue to be so.

2] Each human being has been granted two courses of action: that of deed and that of contemplation. Both lead to the same place.

3] Each human being has been granted two qualities: power and gift. Power drives man to meet his destiny, his gift obliges him to share with others that which is good in him. A man must know when to use his power, and when to use his gift.

4] Each human being has been granted a virtue: the capacity to choose. For he who does not use this virtue, it becomes a curse – and others will always choose for him.

5] Each human being has the right to two blessings, which are: the blessing to do right, and the blessing to err. In the latter case, there is always a path of learning leading to the right way.

6] Each human being has his own sexual profile, and should exercise it without guilt – provided he does not oblige others to exercise it with him.

7] Each human being has his own Personal Legend to be fulfilled, and this is the reason he is in the world. The Personal Legend is manifest in his enthusiasm for what he does.
Single paragraph – the Personal Legend may be abandoned for a certain time, provided one does not forget it and returns as soon as possible.

8] Each man has a feminine side, and each woman has a masculine side. It is necessary to use discipline with intuition, and to use intuition objectively.

9] Each human being must know two languages: the language of society and the language of the omens. The first serves for communication with others. The second serves to interpret messages from God.

10] Each human being has the right to seek out joy, joy being understood as something which makes one content – not necessarily that which makes others content.

11] Each human being must keep alight within him the sacred flame of madness. And must behave like a normal person.

12] The only faults considered grave are the following: not respecting the rights of one’s neighbor, letting oneself be paralyzed by fear, feeling guilty, thinking one does not deserve the good and bad which occurs in life, and being a coward.
Paragraph 1 – we shall love our adversaries, but not make alliances with them. They are placed in our way to test our sword, and deserve the respect of our fight.
Paragraph 2 – we shall choose our adversaries, not the other way around.

12A] We hereby declare the end to the wall dividing the sacred from the profane: from now on, all is sacred.

14] Everything which is done in the present, affects the future by consequence, and the past by redemption.

15] Dispensations to the contrary are herewith revoked.

Have a blessed life

Meant

I know very well how you feel,
I understand.
But what shall I do?
Stop from making my dreams come true?
It’s not what you chose to feel…
Whenever the reality kicks in,
The reality that’s adding distance between us.
What hurts the most…
Is knowing that you can do something,
Yet you just sit down there and do nothing.
Do nothing to bridge the distance,
I know you’re immensing yourself to a noble cause,
Something we ought to be proud.
I’m not asking you to choose…
For I can feel you’ve already made a choice.
Choosing to break the barriers
Will not mean that you’ll serve Him less.
If this is the road you chose to take,
I’m afraid I can’t follow you.
Maybe that’s how things are supposed to be…
We’re just meant to meet…
But not to last.
Yet, I thank you,
Thank you for lingering in my thoughts…
It keeps me company as I wander alone.
If that is how it was written…
Then, let it be…

Take me to Piedra

“By the river Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river — leaves, insects, the feathers of birds — is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.” – Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra

River Piedra

If the legends are true, take me to Piedra…let me take all the pains inside me and threw it away, let it be gone forever, make me forget it existed.

As days pass by, it grows worse, it keeps on getting more painful each day. An unhappy soul not knowing the purpose of her existence, what on earth am I here for?

Boredom is hell in disguise, waking up for the usual routines, tireless waiting, pointless pencil pushing, hungry for some purpose.

Where do I go from here? Do beginnings still exist? How much is the price that I shall pay for, just to have one?

Breaking point, here I am again, a familiar place yet I am sure this one is different. Where did I go wrong?

Fighting off destiny maybe that was my crime, I’ve had enough of the suffering now, please stop the punishment. Don’t you think the beatings not yet enough?

Could be I’m just looking for something to blame and destiny has always been a helpful friend to swallow it?

It’s dark, I cannot see, been praying for light for so long. What’s after gaining another distinction, when people out there can hardly notice.

Belittled, underestimated, was age really an issue? Please tell me, what shall I do to prove thy self? If you don’t want me, then why did you take me in?

Insulted could be the word at times and one shall never allow such, but they are in the capacity to further do things that could inflict pain in every possible way.

It was never said to be fair, only worth it, but weak as a human, I get tired, I am tired. Lessons, maybe I have enough for now, let me prove it that I’ve learned something, give me a chance.

It hurts so much, that even just a mere thought can cause me to shatter. I hid everything with a smile as I muster the courage to go on. But where is Piedra? Take me there, make me forget the everyday pain of travelling a path that I can’t make sense right now.

“Lord, I put my faith in you, help me for I am nothing but a weak human. Help me find the job that can bring me happiness, fulfillment and prosperity. Help me, O Lord, the desires of my heart are simple, and I know they are not selfish, I know you have plans for me, not to harm but to give me bright future. Be with me O Lord, when I’m at brink of losing hope, help me O Lord, guide me to the right path.”

Real life Popoy and Basha…One More Chance?

When to hold on...When to let go...

They met way back in high school
He’s your average guy
She’s the average girl
No one knew he courted her
‘Though some noticed the closeness
‘Til one day people found out…
They broke up
But they remained friends
Sooner than expected
They’re back together
High School ended
But they stayed together ’til college
‘Til one day they parted ways again
He was linked to a new girl
There were guys courting her
But they still ended up looking for each other
Her mom found out about them
She tried to fight for him
But gave up soon
She left him
But time was really on their side
They met again
And gave another shot at destiny
There were fights, even other parties
But they managed to stay together
‘Til one day they finally decided to end everything.
It was almost a decade
He loves her so much
She loves him as well
But she knows something is missing
She’s happy but she wants to be happier
This is the most serious among all the breakups
For this is the only time he gave up
All the while we thought it’ll be…
From High School to Forever
It can still be,
For both are not closing doors
We’re hoping that just like Popoy and Basha
They’ll have One More Chance.

My Life’s Ji Hoo – Boys Over Flowers Tidbits (Part 4)

I am obviously a Jun Pyo fan but I never hated Ji Hoo. In fact, I love the unselfishness of his heart, how good a friend he is to both Jan Di and Jun Pyo. How willing he is to sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of his friends.

I am not in distress as often as Jan Di is but upon watching Boys Over Flowers I remembered two incidents in my life when I felt like I’m so confused and messed up but there was someone who unexpectedly made his presence felt once again after a very long time and somehow saved me from whatever it is that I was going through those times.

I was hospitalized during the week of my first pre-board exam because of dengue hemorraghic fever. I was on my recovery stage from the illness but I was already studying to cover up for the time lost. I can feel all the pressure, it feels like everybody is expecting too much from me and it feels like being in bed for two weeks costed me a quarter of a year of study time. I was about to cry, I’m beginning to ask God if this is really for me. For a BS Accountancy graduate getting your diploma isn’t the end of the race it’s just a sign that you’re about to approach the final lap for many have accounting degrees but only a few are CPAs, as they say. But before my first teardrop fell, my phone rang, I received a message from a person whom I haven’t communicated with for such a long time, my life’s own version of Ji Hoo, you.

It seems like, you heard the emergency bell and immediately came to rescue me. Your words were comforting bringing back the strong faith that I had some days ago. I regained my faith, God won’t allow me to go this far only to tell me that this race is not for me when it’s about to end, He won’t take me this far just to break my heart. You were right, God really intended me to pass my precious board exam.

Some months ago, the emergency bell rang once again and surprisingly you again came on time. I know you have you’re own dilemmas and I feel bad that it seems like I can’t do anything to help you get through it, unlike Jan Di who brought back Ji Hoo’s grandfather to his life. You offered help but I refused, I ditched you, I know you felt bad ’cause you really exerted effort to help me out. Once in your life you were in the same situation so you know how it feels and now that you recovered from it, you might probably be the best person to help. Despite of me ditching you that day, I didn’t really abandon your help after all, I followed your advice in my own way as dictated by my faith and I have to thank you that right now ‘though things are still not that clear, I know that there is light to guide me.

I don’t know why you are always on time, I can’t find any explanation for that, maybe it’s destiny’s way of saying that ‘though I’ve let go of you as my first love, you’ll always be special. Yes, you are my first love, I believe, just like Jan Di towards Ji Hoo but unlike her I have yet to find my life’s version of Jun Pyo. But ‘though I haven’t find my Jun Pyo yet, I’ve let you go long time ago. I’m not sure if I am in any way even just once had a romantic place in your heart, maybe yes maybe no but I believe that once in our lives there is a special bond of love that we’re going to have and it doesn’t necessarily mean to be romantic love, it could be friendship and I’m glad that in my life it’s you, my own Ji Hoo.

* I know I shouldn’t include this in the BOF Tidbits series for it’s more of a personal matter rather than my fascination about the series, it’s just that I don’t think I’ll realize who he is in my life had I not watch BOF.