Before I say goodbye to 2011

While I described my 2010 as life changing, my 2011 was mind boggling. There were a lot of confusions to resolve and quite big decisions to be made. Also, 2011 went by so fast that I hardly notice that it’s about to end. So here I am recounting the year that is now about to end in a few hours.

The main reason why 2010 was life changing for me is work, for 2011 most of the things that happened in my life still concerns work. The first few days of 2011 wasn’t so kind, I thought I was about to lose my job or that I have to leave and find another one, I even computed how much am I still indebted to my company, January 8 is truly unforgettable with all the “other” memoirs that comes with it. It was also on the first month of 2011 that I moved out of the house to avoid the daily hassle of commuting. Moving out is really a big deal for me, away from the comforts of home and all the conveniences of living with your family. It’s still a very good feeling to come home everyday to the people who truly love you but there are some situations where practicality must be considered, I guess that is where I am now.

Work presented more challenges, I experienced what it’s like to be the auditee and not the auditor, it was tough but we all survived.

The meaning of the word “holiday” was devoid for 2011 due to workload and the crazy timelines that come with it, not to mention the strictly followed company calendar, but travels still abound 2011. I was able to revisit Baguio (my annual visit began 2008 but I skipped 2010), still not sure if it will continue this coming 2012 but it always feels good to revisit this place, just a quick weekend escape away from work. Finally, despite the failed attempt last 2010; I finally crossed out Hong Kong and Macau on my list of places to visit. I truly enjoyed what it’s like to be a child again when you see the Disney Princesses coming into life and of course Mickey and Minnie Mouse. The fireworks were truly enchanting; it really felt like “A Whole New World”. I was almost literally jumping with joy taking pictures while reminiscing the scenes from Boys Over Flowers at The Venetian, too bad we missed the gondolas. I’ll just ride the real thing in Venice…someday. I really enjoyed the sights and memory that comes with each of the pictures, the trip was worth it, hoping to go back with my family. I was also able to go back to Cebu, been there for some work assignment in 2007. It’s just a domestic trip but it felt like being in a different time zone, we were like four hours behind. It truly was a relaxing trip and unforgettable mainly due to the Sky Walk, as I’ve said “It’s not how long you’ve been together; it’s the intensity of what you had to go through together.” That experience was truly intense. After being recharged in Cebu, it’s now time for the dreaded (?) Annual Business Planning, for this reason we were given the chance to visit Japan. It was a business trip but thank God that we were able to roam around Tokyo, enjoy the sights, shop some and take a lot of pictures, I really want to see more of Japan. Finally, the much awaited trip of the year, the Bellarocca invasion. I think I can call it as a fashion trip, spend 3 days and 2 nights but I lost count of the outfits, still got three left in my bag when I got home, reserved for the next fashion trip? Misibis, please be kind. To end the year, finally swam on the beaches of Laiya, been to a lot of beaches in the Philippines but it really was my first time in Batangas.

I also found a new hobby this year, photography. Just recently, some of the pictures I posted somewhere in cyberspace was liked and followed by a certain photography group. But I’m still hesitant on continuing this one ‘cause I like it more to be in the picture than be the one taking the picture. Obviously, 35 albums just for 2011 from my wavy to curly hair then back to straight hair, from the house to some parts of asia, everything was captured. Being the learner that I am, I’m enjoying discovering things on photography ‘though I’m having issues on my DSLR’s weight… haha…I’m also glad that despite being busy, I was still able to maintain my blog and still gaining lots of views, hoping to monetize it come 2012.

After all the hesitations, after having to choose between almost mutually exclusive options, I finally pushed through with my plans of entering graduate school, it’s not easy to juggle a busy work schedule with schoolwork on the side but I know it’s going to be worth it. But I’m still not closing doors for the other option.

For the most controversial part, read something over twitter saying that only one out of four people taking chances in love becomes successful. For 2011, happy for the one who obviously got successful to my two other friends, we had almost the same story, guess it just wasn’t the right time, place or person, some things are just not meant to be, let’s regroup come 2012 and be the one out of four…haha..

That’s how 2011 was, not that great but I made it through, thank God. I’m not making resolutions for 2012, I‘m setting goals and I don’t care what the Feng Shui says for 2012, I ‘m just keeping the good fight of faith, 2012 is going to be great!

 

*Written December 31, 2011

An almost goodbye birthday message

Sent you this birthday message:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

It’s definitely not an original, you can even google it, a friend sent it to me some months ago and thought about sending you the message this morning. I edited one line ‘though, instead of “I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye” as the last line, I chose to end it with, “I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting”.  It’s your birthday and we normally wish for happiness on this special day, so I guess it’s more fitting and of course, I really want you to be happy. I’m afraid of the goodbye line, I am not really sending a final goodbye here, ’cause all I wanted to do is to move away.

I’ve been planning on doing it for quite a long time already, when I finally decided to really do it, you had an accident. I want to move away ’cause I’m tired, tired of our story, ’cause it feels like it has ended already and I can’t accept it (not sure with you) but wanting to move away doesn’t mean I don’t care, I still care if you’re fine, if you’re doing good, I just want to stop showing it. So being the queen of bad timings, I revoked my decision and still continued to show how much I care until without me knowing before you totally recovered, it’s almost your birthday. So, I decided to still continue until today, your actual birthday. Now, if one of us will look back, we have I guess a full 12 months. I don’t want to begin reminscing how each and every occassion was, that’s it, we’ve got full twelve months and it will end today that you’re turning 27.

I hate it that I can’t compose an original message for you, I ran out of the right words, to be honest maybe the most fitting that I could ever think of is this, something I found over twitter.

You’ll always be remembered. We might lose everything we once had, but I will never regret knowing you.

 

Maybe our story wasn’t bound to even begin, I know none of us planned it to be this way, we just talked and became friends who ended up liking each other but no one dared to go beyond the line, what we did was just blur the line, that got me so confused. I don’t want to think that I was just lonely and that you’re the first one who didn’t made me feel alone that’s why I ended up easily liking you, I don’t want to think that it was just that, I liked you because I like you, that’s it.

This story is bittersweet, if there really is a story of us to begin with. How could there be when we are miles apart? This story really got me thinking and I felt quite a lot of emotions. I was happy, confused 90% of the time, sad for the most part, even cried a bit, there was pain but again, I was happy. But I have to end this more than friends less than lovers thing, I am not a gray area girl, don’t want to be one so let’s end it here. Tomorrow, as the day begins I won’t forget about you, I won’t do that, I can’t do that so instead, I will choose to go back to who I was to you before, a friend, a friend from overseas. I may choose not to keep in touch for quite a long time, ’cause with all honesty, it’s kinda hard so please don’t make it any harder, for now, don’t go back and shake things up again, that’s the least you can do. Just stay where you are, oceans away.

Again, despite of everything, I will not regret knowing you.

I know that the chances of you stumbling upon this message is remote but just in case you happen to read it, that’s it my friend.

Quarter Life Crisis

The Quarter-Life Crisis
by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start
realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and
may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in
a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

“I’m lost, I’m in panic mode. While it’s true that I am who I want to be ten years ago, it is also true that I am in serious panic mode right now because I don’t know how to make progress from where I am standing. Maybe because I’m not sure if this is the kind of life that I really want, for the first time I asked myself why I chose this.”

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe,
those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest
people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the
most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too
and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as
confused as you.

“I’m seriously beginning to doubt the goodness of other people, it feels like always fighting for survival regardless of who you step at. I am beginning to question the sincerity of those so-called friends, do they really want to be with me? or they are just being nosy? are they just using me? or they really enjoy my company? After meeting various types of people, after enocountering failed relationships, I guess at this age, one can’t help but question the sincerity of those surrounding us.”

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought
you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are
going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

“Yes, my present job is not exactly giving me self fulfillment, it feels like being underemployed sometimes, I can’t fullly grasped how the entire thing works ’cause my boss is not the teaching type when it comes to me. Yes, just me ’cause she’s very much helpful with the others, could it be that since I’m next to her, she doesn’t want to be outshone? not so sure with that one just making some logical guess.” 

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing
with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they
weren’t so great after all.

“I do miss the comforts of being in the university, all you have to worry is the next major exam, after that, that’s it. Way back then, I wanted to double time so I can graduate and experience the real world but now that I am living it, I want to go back to those days, when life was still simple.”

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and
do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing
and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize
that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of
what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh
and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and
confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with
dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away
and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

“Recently, I often find myself analyzing my own behaviors, my own way of thinking, how I have come to have a certain point of view. I can’t help but go back to the past, to what Ihad to go through that has led me to being who I am today. ‘Though it might have led me to understanding and knowing myself more, it has also given me some strange feelings towards the past that has been done.” 

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved
could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet
anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love
someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are
not a bad person.

“Why can’t I meet someone decent enough to get to know better? Hmmm…maybe I met someone decent enough recently but unfortunately, it just won’t work due to circumstances beyond our control or maybe within our control but we’re not strong enough to take on the challenge. But why? How many more what ifs? How many more could have beens? How many almost but not quite scenarios do I have to go through? I know I may not be the holy one but I’m also sure that I’m not as bad as a person, is this karma? Or it’s just that he hasn’t arrived yet?”

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and
getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through
the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about
the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

“Was never a fan of random hookups and one night stands but me and my friends do talk about a specific topic in every get together, that is, broken hearts, but ’til now no one has come up of the solution how it heals.”

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a
life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you’d just
like to be a contender!

“I’m living a comfortable life, I can go shopping, dine out on expensive resaurants once in a while, take trips abroad, but it still feels not enough. Don;t get me wrong, I’m thankful for what I have it’s just that I can’t help but be greedy and want more. I’m now thinking of investments, bothered by inflation rates, interested with potential businesses and the lure of earning dollars is becoming increasingly attractive each day, simpy put, I want more.”

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates
to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we
can to figure this whole thing out.

“Guess it’s official, I am experiencing Quarter Life Crisis.”

Hindi mo rin nanaising maging ako

Ang nakikita nyo kasi maganda ang suot ko, nakangiti ako, maraming tatak ang passport ko at madalas may bagong picture sa Facebook. Most of the people I know are thinking na perfect ang buhay ko except sa palpak kong love life. Pero kung alam nyo lang paano mabuhay ang isang tulad ko, paano maging ako hindi nyo nanaising maging ako.

Oo, hindi nyo nanaising maging ako just the same as hindi ko rin naman nanaising maging kayo. Bakit ko nga ba sinusulat ‘to? Hindi naman talaga ko popular na tipong everybody knows me and wants to be me, I’m just a normal office girl pero sa pamilya at friends ko iba ang tingin nila sa akin. Feeling nila big time ako, maganda naman talaga ang trabaho ko kung yun lang, pero hindi naman limpak limpak ang pera ko tulad ng inaakala nila, puro kasi panlabas ang nakikita ng mga tao pero ung pinagdadaanan ng isang tulad ko hindi naman nila alam. Hindi nila alam na deep down inside despite of a career that looks successful and well paying on the outside, I still have this feeling na hindi enough ang na-achieve ko, na feeling ko I could do better, na parang under utilized pa rin ang competencies ko, I want more siguro dahil ambisyosa ko masyado. Hindi nyo rin alam na feeling ko minsan hindi pa rin enough ang kinikita ko lalo na kapag nakikita ko sa Facebook na dollars ang kinikita ng iba kong ka-batch. Friends? I have lots of friends but there are also times when I feel like I don’t belong at all yung tipong lagi kang sa gitna, yung kausap mo nga lahat pero kapag nagkapilian ng tig-iisang isasalba hindi ka sure kung may pipili sa’yo. Don’t get me wrong I have true friends, sure naman ako dyan pero kasi yung mga sure ako na true friends hindi ko na rin sila nakakasama everyday kaya minsan napi-feel kong I’m left out. Hindi na ako aangal sa out of town or out of the country trips pero ‘lam mo yung feeling na minsan gusto mo lang manood ng sine o mag-mall, mag-try ng bagong resto pero wala kang kasama unless na lang ilibre mo ang kapatid mo o ang nanay mo, hindi naman sa nagrereklamo ako na nagpapalibre sila, wala lang parang ang loser lang, imagine I’ve watched movies alone. Ok lang rin naman manood ng mag-isa, mas naaappreciate ko nga ung movie eh pero iba pa rin ung paglabas ng movie house eh may kakwentuhan ka ’bout sa pinanood nyo o may katawanan ka kasi naiyak ka sa mga unexpected scenes. Ang dami kong angal di ba? Idagdag pa natin ang mapanghusgang mata ng mga tao, na dahil ganito ang pagkakakilala nila sa’yo laging may expectations lalo na sa ipapakilala mong boyfriend, oh well, hindi ko pa dapat problemahin yan dahil wala pa naman talaga akong ipapakilala sa ngayon. I know I shouldn’t mind what other people think as long as I’m not hurting anyone (intentionally) pero aminin man natin at hindi, it matters somehow, may reputation na gusto i-keep.

Madami akong reklamo pero hindi ko pa rin ipagpapalit ang buhay na meron ako, ’cause despite it’s imperfections I’m still very thankful for each day what I’m just trying to say is each one of us are going through something, no one leads a perfect life so ‘wag mong isiping masarap maging ibang tao, let’s just trust God’s wisdom.

Crazy Little Thing called LOVE

 

“Every one of us has someone who is hidden in the bottom of our heart. And when we think of that person, we feel like there’s always a little pain inside. But we still want to keep that person. Even though I don’t know where he is today, what he is doing, I know that he is the one who taught me this. A crazy little thing called LOVE.”

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Crazy Little Thing Called Love, First Love, A Little Thing Called Love are the english translataions of this Thai movie. I’ve never watched any Thai movie before, this is my first and I was surprised that aside from the observation that Filipinos and Thais has similar physical features (I was often mistaken as Thai when I went to Korea), the culture is quite similar as well. Like their concept of being beautiful, you have to be fair to be considered as one, something that I really don’t agree with, not because I’m brown skinned, I just don’t judge beauty based on skin color, beauty queens are not all fair skinned. Aside from the concept of beauty, high school life as portrayed in the movie is almost similar to how it is here in the Philippines. Unlike the western culture, high school life’s major issue is friendship and love life, not so much about drugs and sex ‘though the concern for these things is alsro rising these days. I guess this is part of the reason why I liked the movie but apart from this, it is mainly because “It is everbody’s story”. Once upon a time, whether way back in high school or not we had a crush, got infatuated, tricked by our raging hormones, fell in love and we all wish that such feelings will be reciprocated, we all prayed hard to also be liked or loved by that someone and do everything within our power to make it possible.

Nam was a wall flower who had a crush on Shone, the cutest guy in the campus but unlike most stories the guy isn’t a jackass, he was a typical cute boy next door type. Nam wanted to be noticed so she followed the 9 ways from different countries on how to win one’s love as stated in the book that her friends bought. But aside from that, she also improved herself by becoming more beautiful with the help of her supportive friends. She also studied hard to get the top spot in class, it’s hitting two birds in one stone for her in this case ’cause aside from getting Shone’s attention, she also did it to be with her father who promised his daughters that if they get the top spot in class, they can live with him in the States. To make the story realistic there are antagonists, like the pretty mean girl who always acts that she can’t walk so that the guy he likes will bring her home, how not so pretty girls don’t get to join the hip school clubs, it was also shown how good looking kids are popular and how the not so good looking ones were looked down on and of course, how things changed when the ugly duckling became a swan princess. I must admit that I cannot relate with Nam, my high school wasn’t like hers, that’s another story to tell, but despite of that, the scenes really made me reminisce my high school days and the people whom I shared it with. Nam was so lucky to have very good friends and ‘though at one point she neglected them, they still accepted her when she came back to her senses and all four of them were still together even after high school ended.  Apart from making me reminisce, just like most of us who watched the film, the part I love the most is the romance part. I must admit that I don’t like the idea of changing yourself so that the one you like will like you back but the movie is about teenage love and I guess it’s safe to say that at one point we all did it. After all, we were once young and stupid. In this case, Nam really became a better person so even if her motivation was a bit shallow something really good came out of it, so I guess it’s ok, it’s not like she cut classes just to watch her crush while training basketball. As for the love triangle, it reminded me of a somewhat same scenario in high school, the one who likes me is the friend of the guy whom I like but we were never like Nam and Shone’s best friend, it’s a confusing situation, Nam wants Shone to feel that it’s him that she likes but she can’t ’cause it might ’cause a rift between Shone and his best friend. As for Shone, he was “silent ruled” he cannot confess his love ’cause his best friend got ahead of him in proclaiming that he likes Nam, so he had to live each day wishing it’s him that she is with. But this is not the heartbreaking part, I cried a pool of tears when Nam confessed to Shone, can you just imagine how it hurts to wait for three long years only to find out that you’re a week late? Baifern’s acting was really good, she was able to act out so well how hurt Nam’s feelings were, even when she fell on the pool, some might have laughed at it but I was so convinced at how lost she felt that time. I continued to cry when it was revealed that Shone really liked her, specially when the scrap book was shown, taking her pictures without her knowing was really sweet much more compiling them plus growing a rose for her, the joys of young love but it was too late for them at that point. Not until, we were taken 9 years after…of course you know how movies like this ends

I won’t go with the movie technicals, I’m after the story and despite it’s simplicity it was so true, it is indeed everybody’s story. I just hope we won’t wait ’til it’s too late.

I live, I love?, I learn

Seems like a lot went on for the last few months of 2010 continuing to the first few months of 2011, as they say:

“Every situation has a postive side…a lesson hidden in its test…a message hidden in its mess.”

My life mostly revolved on my work which by some twist of fate also connected itself to love. It really was crazy, but as what I’ve always believed in, “Let’s trust God’s wisdom behind it.” so let me share some of the lessons I’ve learned in no particular order.

Be careful with what you wish for. ‘Cause you just might get it.

I know it’s a cliche but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. I was so bored with my work before then God gave me a new job and I must say that it really is exciting that I almost cannot handle it.

Cross the bridge when you get there.

While it is good to have a plan for your future, there are some things in life where you don’t really need plans due to too much uncertainty.

While some good things never last, some are not even meant to start.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not broken hearted I just realized that when things are bound to happen they surely will…if you cooperate.

Some things are better kept to yourself.

I’ve got lots of friends, good friends I must say but there are things which are better kept within you to avoid conflicts. I’m not encouraging dishonesty but just saving some things for yourself, after all, there’s nothing wrong with being private.

 All the people around you has an opinion but at the end of the day, it’s you who knows the real score.

I’ve got quite a number of opinions with what went on, analyzations, interpretations and all of those stuffs but at the end of the day, it’s me who knows the truth, it’s me who knows the real score, it’s me who can feel things, it’s still my decision.

 Trust comes from Truth

If there is one thing that I’ll forever be thankful to him, it is that I gained my mom’s trust through him. It’s not like my mom doesn’t trust me at all, it’s just that she’s too suspicious that I’m hiding a boyfriend. It was through him that my mom proved that I’m telling the truth when it comes to the apect of dating.

Somewhere right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale.

It wasn’t really like a fairy tale, it’s just that everything came as a surprise, everything was beyond my expectations. My everyday life was a routine but it changed when he came.

There could be someone who can bear with all your weirdness.

 I may look normal on the outside but I’m totally weird on the inside and surprisingly, someone is as weird as me. So I guess, it’s normal to be weird.

Strangely, there will be a few who can discover the real you that you’ve been hiding.

In a short span of time, he was able to know and discover the real me ‘though I kept on hiding it from the people whom I normally deal with.

Life and love is about taking chances most of the time

I took the chance of knowing him and I was surprised that it lead to… I don’t know where exactly but it lead to something, ‘though we haven’t took the chance yet, and can’t figure out if we’ll eventually take it, I’m still glad it happened.

Some people are more pressured than you when it comes to your love life.

I’m fine, I’m just fine, living one day at a time, enjoying what we have but some people seems to want to take things to the next level. Well, things are slow than normal, I must admit but I also don’t think I can handle things if it will go faster.

You have to make a choice.

It’s always your choice to make things work. It’s your choice which things to sacrifice. It’s your choice who do you want to become. It’s always your choice.

Do your part of the deal.

Always do your part of the deal, if you’re sure you’ve done your part then there will be no regrets, no what ifs. Just do what you think is reasonable enough then cooperate with destiny, if it’s bound to happen, it will, the force of the universe will conspire.

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it.

Sometimes all we need to have is faith, faith that God will give us what we need and most of the time even more.

Same Old Story

Sometimes it feels like God is not answering our prayers but the truth is, we just don’t get the answer that we expect or maybe the answer that we want. This has happened before…a long, long time ago, it’s the same old story only on a different costume.

He didn’t make an impression the first time she saw him, apart from the name and the face she doesn’t know anything about him. By some twist of fate, they met again and before they know it became friends. It really was a surprise that even if he appears to be boring for her, he’s actually not, they share quite the same interest, quite the same views, quite the same sentiments and soon enough they are comfortable in each others company. But apart from the obviously blossoming friendship, there are quite a few things that she can’t understand or it could also be she’s analyzing too much that leads her to confusion. He compliments her, when she says her arms are too big, he says it’s perfect, when she doesn’t feel comfortable with how she looks, he tells her that she looks great with a “wow”, when she says she looks like a “bruha”, he says it’s next to impossible. This is not the first time for her to receive compliments but this is the first time that it was from the same guy and in the most unexpected moments. She knows how opinionated he is but she also knows that he’s not that generous in giving praises much more to sugarcoat. She’s happy despite the fact that such compliments causes her to think that it could be some mixed signals of something more. He looks at her in a different way that everybody notices, he wants to be around her often, she doesn’t want to assume anything ’cause it has happened before. ‘Til one day, he asked her out, even if she wants to stop analyzing, she couldn’t help it. He never said a thing, why he treats her differently even to the point of asking her out. He describes her as if she’s the most beautiful girl he has ever known, as if he was bewitched by her beauty. She couldn’t help but wonder why, what’s behind all these? People around them can’t help but notice, so they asked but he keeps on saying “no, there aren’t any feelings”. She doesn’t know how to feel, how to react whenever she hears him say these things. It’s been a long time since she went out, it’s been a long time since someone showed they care, it’s been a long time since she heard something sweet from someone. Her life was lonely, while others are complaining about being with a guy or breaking up with a guy since their teenage years that they don’t even have a chance to deal with their own self, she’s always been dealing with herself for so long. She admits that she’s happy with how he treats her but that doesn’t mean she’s falling for him but she’s not depriving herself of the chance. That was her problem, she was too greedy on giving chances and now that she has finally learned to be fair to herself and give other people the chance to enter her life, it seems that she’s travelling the same road once again. Once upon a time, she met someone who treats her special, she fell for that someone and ended up with a broken heart. With the same signs and even more concrete and evident actions that there could be something more than friendship, she’s travelling the road once again but she believes she is wiser now, to guard herself from falling into the trap. She doesn’t know where he wants to take things or if he wants to, so she reminds herself every now and then that sweet gestures are never assurances. She prayed that God  will send her signals, something that will stop the guessing, the over analyzing, something that could either put an end to all of these or could signal something new. She feels like God isn’t sending her what she asked, ’til one day she woke up and realized, maybe that’s it, the sign is…”there are no signs”. Maybe a part of her is hoping, that destiny is giving her another shot at love after a very long time that’s why she missed it, you can’t blame her, she’s been lonely for quite some time. But whatever it is, she may not have found the love of her life yet but he made her happy, she gained a friend and most importantly, she didn’t end up with a broken heart. It’s the same old story, boy meets girl, they become friends, he treats her in a special way (she thinks), she falls, he says it’s nothing, she ends up with a broken heart. But this time, it’s a different ending ’cause she’s wiser now.

25 Lessons/Truths/ Realizations I learned at 25

I’ll be celebrating my 25th birthday this weekend, since this is my birthday week let me begin it by sharing with you the 25 lessons/truths/ realizations I learned at 25.

1. The world doesn’t revolve around you (The hardest lesson of all).

2. You can have everything but not at the same time.

3. You don’t need to be alike in so many ways just to be friends.

4. Sometimes you need to put on a face as a defense to the cruel world.

5. As much as you want to keep every memory, you can’t.

6. The skill of knowing when a stage of your life ends and when another begins is hard to develop.

7. Once upon a time we were all young and stupid.

8. Thou shall not confuse reality with what you see on TV.

9. You don’t need to explain yourself, those who hate you won’t listen and those who love you don’t need any.

10. Life gets harder so our faith must go stronger.

11. Don’t hurry too much, wait for His time.

12. No matter how hard you try to make others feel that you’re one of them, if they won’t let you in, they really won’t.

13. At one point, we’ll experience what it’s like to be left out.

14. Sometimes people stick around because of what they can get from you or from being associated with you.

15. We all have ways of interpreting things, so I guess the safest thing to do is take it at face value.

16. At the end of the day, we all want someone to come home to or come home with.

17. Marrying for money is futile.

18. Love is not about looks, attitude or social status, love is love.

19. To have it half way is worst than not having it at all.

20. We should learn to give up on finding the answers when we know that in the heart of hearts there is none.

21. No matter how simple or how childish a thing is, if it keeps you going, it’s ok.

22. Fairy tales don’t come true because we refuse to believe it.

23. It was never promised to be easy, only worth it.

24. You can’t always use “This is me” as an excuse.

25. Always reach for the stars.

Alone with my thoughts

Alone with my thoughts, I sit in this high chair with my back turned from the crowd. All I could see from my view were empty tables and chairs on this restaurant’s smoking area and the mall across. This is one of my solitary lunch escapades. It’s a windy summer afternoon, there’s silence. The place wasn’t really that busy, all I could hear was a couple having conversation and laughters from a bunch of office workers sitting some tables away. As for me, I am devouring a plateful of pasta in this restaurant I miss the most. I don’t know why I was craving for the taste of pasta at this place, not until I sat down and felt quite alone. I suddenly felt the urge to write down my thoughts. I remember sharing a plateful with one of my friends each time we dine here ’cause the serving is good enough for two. What I’m eating right now is a pasta paella, I remember our private joke, she eats the pasta, I eat the paella, ’cause she wasn’t really fond of eating the other ingredients that’s why this isn’t her favorite, she’d rather have baked ziti. We used to dine here in groups sharing a 4-cheese pizza, our common favorite. We usually talk about our jobs, our career prospects, love lives and our lives before we met. It was fun, we also talked about our next escapades like a movie night or an out of town trip. We talk about almost everything, happy or sad, I even remember celebrating my birthday here. But time passed by and we tried to dine at some other places. But those were years ago, we don’t see each other that much anymore. The last time we dined here was October last year. Nothing has changed just like the taste of this pasta, we’re still friends, we still hang out and go on trips together, but the frequency is not the same anymore. I’m about to finish eating my pasta, as I said, it tastes just the same but the experience of eating it alone with only my thoughts to keep me company is what makes it so different from eating it with my friends, the thing which I think I am actually missing.

Written April 6,2010, Glorietta 5, Chef ‘d angelo

This is a super delayed post that I almost forgot in my old phone. I’m posting it here today to commemorate our 4th year anniversary. It’s been four years since I started working and it’s been four years since I first met the people whom I shared beautiful friendships with.

Happy 4th Friendship Anniversary, SGV batchmates! I miss you all!

Goodbye?

Six months ago, I found a new job at a highly reputable company but little did I know that my gain is others lost. Two weeks after start date, we flew to Singapore for a month’s training. The training had to be done overseas ’cause the job will be transferred from Singapore to the Philippines and that means replacing the people there. I didn’t expect them to be kind and accomodating ’cause had it been me in their shoes, it would be really difficult to play nice. But I prayed, I kept the faith, I didn’t ask God to make them treat us nicely but to just be fair, ’cause it wasn’t us who asked the company to move the job here. But God is really God, the people there were all nice, accomodating even friendly. In a short span of time, i can say that we made friends with them. Aside from the countless knowledge transfer sessions, we also shared quite a few laughs and experiences. They shared with us a part of themselves as people as we also did the same. When they went here to continue with the transition, we even took them to a tour, they truly deserve no less than a warm welcome.

I'll miss you

Yesterday, they finally said goodbye to the company, they signed-off and sent us their goodbye letters that nearly made us cry. A part of me is guilty, I know that they built strong friendships in the workplace for years, it must really be hard to part ways with people whom you see everyday, who has been a part of your life for how many years already, had it been not for us they need not to say goodbye. But life goes on, for us that is to continue in maintaining and even upgrading the group’s reputation now that we are 100% responsible for it, for them to find another place where they can once agin start building their careers. I am hoping that as we all move on through life, we wouldn’t forget the happy memories, the challenges and the friendship. I am really hoping to see them again and maintain being friends with them. After all, they made my first taste of working abroad and working with different nationalities a very enjoyable experience.

To all of you, you may not read this but I am really deeply thankful. How I wish it’s possible for us to really work together. Again, thank you and the best of luck on all your future endeavors. Have a happy life

Dear Lord, thank you for giving us the chance to work with each other and get to know each other. I know that it was hard for them to leave their jobs and the people who are already like family to them but we are putting our trust in you that you’ll guide us. Help them find their new paths and help us in successfully continuing whatever they started. Thank you Lord for all the opportunities. Amen.