Nervous Monday * Promising Tuesday * Cliffhanger Wednesday * Devastating Thursday * Awkward Friday
It’s crazy how so much can happen in just five days, from happy and hopeful to devastated, one minute you are appreciated then you are backstabbed the next, from being in the loop to feeling like being excommunicated. The sudden turn of events, the highs and lows of emotions, how people change their personas, it’s crazier and a lot more unpredictable than the effects global warming has on the weather. While sudden changes make life a lot more exciting, it doesn’t always make you feel game for the ride, especially when the breeze you are enjoying stinks all of a sudden.
It’s been a normal thing to deal with people across Asia for the past two years but to lead a region-wide teleconference involving 13 countries still sends some weird chills down my spine at least for the first minute. I’ve always find it a bit difficult to start a teleconference for fear of being too formal or not being considerate if everybody is ready but after the somewhat shaky start up, I am okay. But more than my telecon start up issues, I was actually nervous ’cause it was my project’s initial testing last Monday. As I’ve mentioned on my tweets, this project has caused me a lot of stress and sometimes even heart breaks but it does make me feel proud, it empowers me in a certain way. After all, who wouldn’t get nervous if it’s communicated to the higher ups in the Regional Office.
Then, there’s this promising opportunity that knocked on my doorstep. Despite some hesitations, I welcomed it, I was almost pushed by my boss to welcome it. Come Tuesday, I was interviewed for a bigger post in the company. Despite the absence of direct words by the interviewer, it was clearly insinuated that I’m on the brink of getting the position. With my hopes high and my faith strong, I composed myself to be ready for it.
It felt like being on the edge of the cliff when Wednesday came, I waited for the final stage. I’m kinda anxious but I reminded myself from time to time of all the assurances that I got from some people. My hopes are still high and my faith intact as I wait for the confirmation.
But my world crashed the next morning, it felt like I was robbed of everything, like I was belittled, betrayed, played on, it even felt like a hole is punched in my heart. My high hopes and strong faith crumbled, leaving me nothing but ruined trust on people, some of whom I used to look up to. It’s like the world has gone crazy all of a sudden. What happened to the strong recommendation? Where did it go? What was that? Did they just want me to take the poisoned apple? They should have just pushed me to the wall. They should have just slap my face. What’s with the sudden topsy turvy? What is it that I’ve done wrong. Yesterday, it was me, now it’s her? I know I should play a good sport but you can only find that on a fair playing field. You said there’s no politics in here? You said there’s no favoritism? But what is this? This feeling is much more worse than a broken a heart, the pain is unimaginable, you snatched something from me right under my nose even before I took hold of it.
With all the crazy turn of events, despite my broken faith, life has to go on no matter how ugly a day is. It was a day of awkward moments, some being distant because of the fear of being questioned, some can’t even look me in the eye because they know they did something wrong. My heart is still in pain but it doesn’t mean I can’t fight. This war has just begun and they are the ones who started it. I’ve got questions and I need clear answers even if I am sure that their answers will just lead to more questions, questions which they can never be honest enough to answer. Now that my faith is broken, it doesn’t seem right to still go on and put an important aspect of my life in their hands.
The work week ended badly but as I lay down and contemplate, I asked for it, without me knowing I asked for it. For a long time I’ve prayed for guidance, for countless times I said “Thy will be done”. Maybe, this is God’s way of giving me what I am asking for, it is His way of taking me to where I should be. The signs are obvious, each day gives a reason to leave and erasing a reason to stay. I am not sure where God wants to take me but my prayers remain the same “Thy will be done.”








